Test flights

Blimey's Test flight in his new ship was a great success! YAY!

After mush hunting and training and decorating... and getting bored of camping... I fugired to give it a try. My first attempt in a holographic test ship failed badly... but the testing machine crashed before I did... so it was not an accurate test. I found the Rebel pilot recruiter and boldly signed up. I named the ship after one of my daughters (Anya) My first mission was slow... unsteady but i was just figuring out all the controls and reading the manuals while I flew. Then I was attacked by Imperial Tie Fighter! AK! I bolted for the landing pad and my mission got declared a failure. Oh... this will not go over well with the pilot officer....

Blimey found me and made a good ship for me and was incerdibly patient while i struggled to load in all the stuffs he want me to load into it. I name it after my other daughter (Kitahn). He then took the time to slowly teach me how to fly, manouver, get from place to place, land safely, jump in hyperspace, and shoot... I was bad at the shooting. I was such a bad case of nerves coronary was all i thot was going to happen to me. Then I heard a whisper in my mind. It took me a moment to to identify the voice... I had only heard it once before. Ar'k, my other benefactor, said "relax, let it flow, target ahead of your enemy and feel the shot..." and WHAM! I blew up a tie fighter!!! Then WHAM... WHAM... I took out 2 more! Blimey yipped on the comm! I DID IT!!! Ok... i wanted to land now. I landed and kissed the ground. OY! Ok.. time to face my pilot officer... Boy was he PISSED!!! He yelled and screamed at me and tossed me out to do the mission again as he NEEDED the data. OMGs... ok... so I went out and took MANY deep breaths and let Blimey's words and directions come back into my memory... and Ar'k's... and wow! The mission was over is 15min with the tie fighter quickly dispatched. My officer was well pleased with me, now. I took a break.... for the sake of my now unsettled nerves. I camped for a while... long while... enjoying the peace os the night air.

BLIMEY: THANK YOU!!!! Thank you for all your incredible patience for walking me through loading my ship (3 times over while I struggled to understand the "bits") and for teaching me to fly and fight in space.... and for making me a good ship. Swimming will be easier to teach me I think...

Disappointment and Discovery

Well! MacDemit came on a couple days ago to get his meat. Unfortunately I already offered it to a verndor in Trade Goods. So I cannot revoke the offer. So... I missed out on over 2 million credits and have to wait for the venoder's owner to pick up the offer or refuse it so I can reclaim it and sell it to MacDermit (the guy who hired me to get the herbivore meat and then was awol for the entire week). It turned out that someone close to him had a baby and he was ... well ... busy.

Some days ago I was asked through my office messages to find a Jedi hooded cloak. I did not know where to look so I asked Dolch. He mistook me for asking for one for myself. He only does business with people he meets directly. My mistake. He gave me a finely crafted beige hooded cloak. I decided to honour his choices and not sell it to the stranger. Instead I meditated on this for a bit to figure out what to do. When the Temple is set up with a place to honour Fyrshka, my benefactor, I will place it there. He and she loved each other well. I feel that she would have liked it. (OH HEY! He named his spacecraft Fyrshka! what a great idea.)

Blimey has been crafting like a maniac. I got to sit with him a couple days ago and natter about the Temple and some of my plans. He built his first starship and then went out to test it. Before he left, he gave me a white hooded cloak. I must ask him if he made it. I tried it on for him. He said I looked ... "sexy" in it. I felt suddenly very shy and yet good at the same time. I looked good. It was nice to hear it from someone who means it. I hear it now occassionally from both Brem and Blimey. careful guys, you will make me vain! hehe...

I started setting up the Temple and was thinking... what would Fyrshka have named it.

Free-Spirit Temple

So mote it be.

Repost: Stranger K

One forgets how easily misinformation can spread in this area. Too many are too quick to embrace it, and pass it along.The last of the tchen'da'ra assassins was purged from our brotherhood three generations ago, whatever slanderers and pretenders may claim.Your annoyance is inappropriate. I sought to prepare you, honorably. Before we settle our differences, there are other things I must do, and they require a certain level of concealment on my part until completed.I have noted your spirituality with admiration. Be wary of the counsel received from those such as Dolch. When that adolescent learns the rudiments of written communication, then perhaps the two of you can confide in one another as adults.To Pahoo, I return your regards, and choose to read your greeting as ambiguous. Once you have learned of the murdered Bothan, I am confident we shall have no quarrel.
K.

MY REPLY:
Prepare me? For what? If you are not an assassin, then who and what are you? And what HAVE i done? Having someone after me does not annoy me. Not knowing that I have done something and that it has offended someone... THAT bothers me. Your messages have not remotely given me any confidence that your intentions were positive in any way.

Lonewolfing it on Yavin IV

Well, this day started well. I woke in the rain which quickly turned into a blinding deluge while I was trying to train with a trainer in Azrith on Dantooine. I needed my radar map just to find my way 10m to the shuttleport.

My mood was poor.... wet... annoyed. Funny how I was lonewolfing for so long before to get my head wrapped around who I was and what I wanted. Now I am lonewolfing again... cuz there is nothing else to do. No one is around.

I got healed and buffed on Corellia then off to Yavin IV for some hunting. The doc who buffed me was Imperial... and expensive. I took 2 missions on Yavin IV and completed only one. My harvest droid got attacked and ran away. It took me 2 hours to do the first mission. I was nearly killed in the second one so I dropped it and made a run for it. Thunder crashed and the sky pissed thoroughly on me. Oh well... suits my mood I guess.

I came across a Hutt Expiditionary team. They were being observed by a squad of Imperial troopers. The Troopers helped me fight a couple critters. They were bored and enjoyed the target practice. I am glad I was not the target.

Frustrated, I have come back to my Temple. I will just pick a secluded room and metitate there for a while and ignore the world. Too frustrated to deal with it for a while.

In an Odd Mood

Last night, I wanted to tell Blimey so much, show him the temple, share with him my plans. I was so excited. He was up in space training again, so I went over to New Aldera on Naboo to see if Thees had the droids Blimey wanted. It took me some looking. I found Starship crafting tools in another vendor and that vendor will have Sartship Crafting stations by order. I also finally found the droids Blimey wanted. He surpirsed me by showing up there. He borrowed some funds from Taheet to buy the real cool droids since I didn't have any left. I would have lent it to him if I could, but they cost more than I had.

Blimey is very very very busy. He is trying to stay Master Doctor and learn Master Shipwrite and Master Privateer Pilot simultaneously. I remember when he studied for his Master Doctors qualification. He persued it singlemindedly. I hardly saw him, but did get to speak with him occassionally. This time he is doing 2 professions and can barely breathe. I don't know why he studies the way he does. When he is flying it is too dangerous for me to distract him with my talk... and when he crafts, I slow him down. Part of me know this will not be forever, just till he gets his Master qualifications... but part of me was ... dissappointed?

I left him in New Aldera. I felt like a ran like a coward. I just could bare to burden him further with my .... he is too busy for me and I do not want to appear 'clingy or confining. I will give him space and go do my own thing: hunt, train, set up the Temple.

Blimey, I am here if you need me.

I am just not having a very good week...

Well it hasn't been all bad! But it has been unusually wrought with mishaps and bad luck.

I slept well. Blimey was up in space training as a pilot again. Well... getting his ass kicked. I worry about him up there. I cannot help him in space. I cannot fly. I might try flying later... but not at the moment. hahahahaha... me fly.... hahahahaa. I must be a nut.

I was attacked by pirates in Agro Starport again. Well... I get sword practice this way at least.

I gave up on Dr. MacDermit and offered my herbivore meat to a vendor in Trade Goods on Corellia.

I did get to show off my new camp to Blimey while he crafted. And he told me of his experiences in space and his plans to be Master shipwrite and Master Privateer Pilot... on top of his Master Doctor. WOW!!! This is keeping him busy. I was so very glad for the short moment I did have with him. I told him a bit about the temple. I also agreed to keep my eyes open for starship crafting stations for him and a good crafting droid. I will have to go by Thees's to see what he has.

I have been rained on a total of 7 times today on 3 planets!

Tired and Sore

I woke to find that Brem dumped some creds in my bank account then emailed me to head off one of my arguments before i can even get started. :) He is keen. The storm troopers have left the Temple grounds. I have a goal this evening of earning my Novice in Teras Kasi unarmed combat.

I didn't want to monopolize brem's time too much more as i know he has his own goals, so I went off to solo on my own. I headed to Naboo to see about more armor and got rained on. No luck on the armor. Bordesc tagged me on the comm when I reached Corellia to get buffed. Why is HE talking to me? Not that I mind... just I thought he never would again. I miss hunting with him. I told him about this stranger "K"... but didn't get to mention the temple.

Arrived in Azrith, Dantooine, without incidents... no pirates attacked me in Agro Starport. There is a Ranger Trainer in Azrith! WOOHOO!!! I don't have to travel all the way to MosMidmar, Tattooine! YAY!!! And Azrith now has an Improved Job Market so it offers better pay for missions. Excellent! Got rained on while heading over to Azrith's mall to see what they have there. Getting tired of getting rained on and being wet. It is starting to make me ache.

Blimey came on the comm. He now has a spaceship! He took it up for his first flight! And LOVED IT!! I am happy for him. We will hook up tomorrow and get caught up while he crafts.

Brem was having trouble getting paid for his missions and so came to help me a bit with mine. His buffs wore off so he stayed back and shot the runaway critters or helped weaken the once focused on me. Got rained on yet again!!! ARG! Well at least no deluge. It took me 3 hours to do 2 solo missions (well almost solo). :(

Now I am too tired to continue. Even though I am so close to my novice goal. I set up camp and crashed fro the night. Damn I ache. I am so karking tires, sore... and achy.... well.... nite all.... or rather... morning...

New Temple... & "How close is too close?"

How intimate too intimate?

The other day, Brem and I... got too close. Our talk too intimate. I think we kinda spooked each other. I touched his arm out of concern. He sat shoulder to shoulder with me as we played dancing Bantha macro in an empty room. We were just having fun... bored in the Large Tattooine house before I moved it. He brought out the Bantha doll and we were just being silly when he sat down shoulder to should with me... and I ... froze ... in an odd sort of panic. I didn't want him to move away though. I trust him and like him. And wanted to me closer to him ... kinda like I want to be closer to Blimey. He realized my nervousness and the fun was over. He paniced. He moved away ashamed with himself for forgeting my discomfort. I came to sit by him ad touched his arm in concern... and to explain... that... I wanted him close... just... that i ... needed a moment to adjust and settle my initial nerves. Things were awkward. We didn't know what to do. He has never know a gentle caress or tender touch. I have loving parents and so remember some. Neither of us have known... touch or anything more between people who care for each other. Things were awkward. We agreed that... if this happens again, we will just take it slow... give each other time, space if we need or closeness ... one small step at a time.

Last night...
We explored the new Temple. He placed an awesome square brazier in it and moved in the boxes of thing I have. I put him on Admin, and Blimey, and Dolch. I put Jakob and Pahoo on entry and then set a one-credit access fee to keep critters out. Brem will help with the payments of the Temple and i gave him a room for his own. We talked about the plans I have for the temple. Later, while exploring, a Tiberian ship flew right over my head and dropped off a squad of Imperial troops. They were actually usefull, chasing away critters and all... but they did make us a bit nervous by their presense. So we went inside.... and out on the roof where the rain rolled in and soaked us. OY! So we sat by the brazier to warm ourselves and dry off. We didn't say much. I think we were awkward. I played with embers that I found on the floor explaining how I am a curious person but afraid to get hurt or burned... touching the embers... but i needed to know, so I would touch them. I think, in retrospect, that is was an unconscious metaphor for wanting to reach out and touch him. We were quiet. We watched each other lots... and... i touched him. Just his hands. We held hands for a long while. I sensed the night and the stars outside and led him shyly by the hand to the roof where we sat under the dark starry sky... just holding hands. Part of me was terrified. Part of me relieved. He reached up and touched my cheek. I almost bolted. Willing myself to stay. It was... ok. He was so... gentle. We gazed much at each other... as we held hands. And it was good. I got bold. I ... dared to trace my fingers along one of his muscled arms... but then my nerves got the better of me. What should I do? I asked him if he had ever been with anyone else... touch anyone else. He hadn't. He was just as afraid as I... and just as unsure of what to do. I think we did enough. Sometimes it is hard for me to be this close to Brem. Blimey is constantly in my thought. And then I wonder... what would my mother do?

Bad day... nut not like the day before

Yesterday...

Someone on my benefactors list came on the comm. At Last! I was hoping for Jutan or Telion to turn on their comm for a couple months. I have since learned that Jutan is gone, much like Fyrshka. But Here was Telion. I had a message for him. We exchanged greetings and spoke a bit about his path and who he was... then he had to leave. Damn. I didn't pass on my message. I will watch for him again.

---
Telion:
Young fellow with an old soul. He is one of the Tukate monks. They were sometimes Jedi, sometimes not, but a selected few who guarded the high senate and supreme chancellor when there used to be a Republic.
---

I was stormed on agin everywhere I went. Brem had given me a Tattooine PA Guild Hall for my temple. YAY! I will try to get that set up. I went hunting to get some creds and was promptly killed by Janta on the first mission. Then they wrecked my swoop. I earned a galaxy gift that I have no skill to claim. And found that my melee shirt fell apart. So the day has been mixed. I had to drop my missions. I just could not solo them.

I went off exploring for a place for the temple instead. And found a perfect place with the RIGHT energy. It is 1200m from Azrith and Wanders End. It is alongside a stream and road. The scenery is stunning and peaceful. Yup. I like it. I took down the large house from the old temple spot and plunket it there till i cleared some stuff in my Tattooine home and freed up some availablility for the Hall to be put up. Off to Tattooine to reaarange my things.
Back I came to set up the Hall. YAY! WOW! it is huge! I can't wait to show it off!!!

Wretched Day

two days ago...

It was the worst day I had had here in Radiant. I met with very frustrating people that I want to strangle. I have some %^&*$%^&* threatening me in my journal comments. I have to somehow get 20k for Dantooine herb meat for a doc in reasonable time. (I had only 5k left to get.) Finally got it after being trampled to death three times. I was stormed on frequently. The critters were nastier than usual. I had to beg help from others in my soloing group to come help me. One was kind enough to give me a better harveting droid. I was attacked by pirates at the Dantooine Agro Starport. Thank you Talamon for saving my life! I did manage to get the janta blood jars to Law'enforcer. Tried to go to MosMidmar to get trained to discover that their shuttleport was no longer there, that they had lost the rights to it. That was a bit of a long ride. At least they still had their Ranger trainer and I got trained. Met with Rebel recruiter marching with a small team outside MosMidmar and got promoted to Corporal. Got mack to MosEisley and did an inventory check. Most of my armor had been destroyed. KARK! (F---!) Composite armor is expensive. Lost the right bracer, my armor pants, my chesplate, my helm... and soon my boots will go. Growl...

Brem tagged me on the com at that point. I was so not in a good mood. He did direct me to a place to get armor. I found only a chestplate. I decided to head to the Library in Theed. That is a peaceful place. The doc who placed the order with me for the meat has not been around. I hope he comes soon. I am now much broke hunting for him... and replacing armor. I apologized profusely to Brem for grumbling at him. He met me at the Library. We sat in a peaceful dark purple room with a fountain. We did not get as close as we were the night before. That had made me nervous and today i was not in to mood to challenge myself further. I just wanted to curl up and forget the world a bit. I was exhausted. He stayed with me till I fell asleep. Thank you.

Stranger K

I am not afraid of you. I may be ignorant of some terms, comes from being locked away as a slave for 17 years. I am now learning many things I missed out on. I have no idea what I could have done in MosEisley that would be remotely memorable (except sampling toxic waste and discovering a few new friends in the cantina).

I have heard that tchendara can mean assassin.
Dolch mentions that is is Gungan for coward.

I like his definition better since I do not know you and have not met you, but seem to have offended you just the same and you are too cowardly to face me and say so. I am usually very concerned about offending others and like to make immediate reparations. But this annoyed me. Yes, you annoyed me. I have returned the mark. Dolch has laid a challenge. And I have a couple Bountry Hunter friends by my side.

I no longer have the time, nor the desire to waste any further energy on your pettiness.

Brem is Back

I have so missed him and wondered how he has been. It was so good to get together with him. We have a strong intimate bond. Similar, yet different to Blimey and me. He and I have the best deep conversations and explore the possibilities of the future.

He has a journal too: http://bremblj.blogspot.com

He helped me hunt. As this contract progressed slow... I was hunting for 5 hours and gotten only 2000 units of meat. With his help we had 16 ooo units by the end of the evening. I showed off my cool new camps to him. And we sat and talk... and sat and listened... and sometimes just sat.

I wonder why i am ... slightly more comfortable getting close to Brem than I am to Blimey. Maybe I am afraid that what Blimey and i have will change? He is always so sure of himself. Am I intimidated? Brem and i are both so scared of touch that it seems ok if we get close to each other. Oh this is all silly.

I took him out to my temporary temple. And told him all my plans and dreams. I wish I could do this with Blimey... but he is so busy these days.

I think i made a social mistake with Brem... but we are working it out.

Temporary Temple & Hunting Contract

I picked up a large tattooine house. I still would really rather have a Tattooine PA hall, but I just cannot find one.So this will do while I try to find the right feeling place. I went to a city called Azrith, just north of Eden and west of Wanders End. There was a buffer in the cantina. The city's guild is RELOADED (RLD) and met some of the locals. They seem very friendly, very live and let live. I was invited to join guild and city. I politely declined.

I made enough of a commitment to the Rebel Alliance. I am not ready nor willing to commit to a guild or a city.

I found some roads arounf Wanders End and explored them. However, the places i liked were too rocky or hilly for a building. Following one road that led from Wanders End to Azrith, I came across a stream and a tiny land bridge. The scenery was very beautify. It felt almost right, so I plunked the large Tattooine house there for the moment. Unfortunately a rock outcropping makes the entrance a bit frustrating. I got lost for 20min inside it trying to figure out how to get to the balcony and almost thought that the balcony was only outer decoration. Then yesterday morning, it took my nearly 40min to find my karking way OUT! This will take getting used to. The PA hall is easier to navigate i think.

I got seriously rained on... yup another damed deluge. It was so bad, I didn't see the pirates that attacked me in the starport. Once I managed to fight them off, a doctor ask me if I was really a Master Scout. Well duh! LOL. He hired me to acquire 20k of high quality herbivore or avian meat for buff kits he needs to craft (will pay 100cpu - 100 credits per unit of meat... that is like 2million credits!). He buffed me to help get me started.

So I did some research. This is a great place for research: SWG Craft : http://www.swgcraft.com/home.php I will place the link for everyone on the sidebar. I found that Herb Meat was best on Dantooine. Meant I was going to hunt.

I traveled out to Naboo to New Aldera where the nast Droid vendor I know is. I found a fantastic Harvester droid and spent almost my last creds on it (45k). I had just barely enough to get my tickets back to Dantooine. Oy... i was as poor.... impoverished. Good thing I could take mission for the hunt and get paid for both eradicating nuisance creatures and then paid for thier harvested meat. This will take a LONG long time. I solo very slowly.

Stranger Commenting

I have someone new leaving comments in my journal. Who is K.? And what of the many things I have done in MosEisley will not be forgotten? What is a tchen'da'ra? And why do I have little time left? Or was that just a metaphor that I have yet to understand? (like "life is short" kind of metaphor)

My curiosity is piqued. So is my cautuous wariness.

Memories

I have taken the week to consider things. Taken time to re-evaluate what I want to do with my life. I spent some time saying personal goodbyes to the childhood teachers I will never get to see again, but acknowledge that they are always with me... guiding me.

My daughters are gone. And even in the end, they loved me and did not hold me to fault. Cruel people do cruel things to innocent children. I vowed to stand my ground against this ever happening again to anyone else.

I feel somewhat at peace with myself and have some new resolves. I was aksed by my benefactor to create a temple... a place where people can find sanctuary and peace, for meditation, counselling, open discussion. Today I went right back to Tattooine and bought a large Tattooing house. It will be the temple. I am now hunting for a good place to put it. Dolch has offered his city for this... but I am not sure. Wanders End was suggested... but again I am not sure. I scouted out Dolch's city. It... just didn't have the right feel. I will go to Wanders End and see how that feels too. I can't explain it. I will just... know... when I find the right place.

Be True to your Word
Be True to your Path
Be True to Youself

I remember the promise well. Now I must live it.
So Mote it be...

Changes

Wow... Blimey is making some huge personal changes. He is giving up the warrior path. Well, not entirely. He is taking up artisan for a time. He hopes to be a shipright and make starships. So his goals are: Master Doactor/Master Shipwrite/Fighter Pilot. And that is where he will allow his warrior freedom. It is an opportunity he will have soon, but he is laying the groundwork now with these changes.

I am going through changes too. But I am yet to figure out what those changes are. I still hear whispering in my mind. Often the voices are distinct now. But the need to go off into isolated meditation is growing strong. So, that is exactly what I will do. I will hike off to someplace remote and do some internal soul searching. I will be coming back, I promise. I just need a week. My comm will be off, so leave me email. I will address it in a week. This is an opportunity to really review my old lessons and get a grip on who I am.

I will take this week off to also say some goodbyes. Goodbyes to friends now gone. Goodbyes to mentors and teachers whose spitirs have joined the Force. Goodbyes... to ... my daughters....

Caco

I have decided to work on my basic speak... so few actually speak Zabrak... even the Zabrak. Do they not want to know their cultural heritage? I will speak Zabrak with Bremm and Blimey.

Yesterday, I wandered aimlessly trying to figure out what was nagging me in the back of my mind. I met up with Caco and did POI hunting on Tattooine. Caco is the mayor of Wanders End. He told me some of the city's news as we hunted the POI's. The first time he hunted them for the badges he did it in such a rush. This time, he is appreciating their Inrterest sake and taking some photos. It was taking him around... even to the Tuskan Fort to the pool below. He is quite good and can hold his own in a fight now. (he is not just a politician anymore)

We ended at my Vendor where he bought up a few items. YAY! And, he gave me a tip about being able to store items in my crafting stations. OOOoooo....... I will remember that. I need a key first though... and he said I can find them on the bazarre. I will have to look.

Risk and Fun

While I was sorting my junk on Tattooine, Ondary (a friend of Bordesc's) tagged me on the comm to say hi and that she noticed that Ajaa was mad with me. I explained that I did not think Ajaa was necessarily mad with me but giving Bordesc a hard time about me and my friendship with him. I explained that our friendship is thus hindered if even potentially over. I will always consider him a friend and will come in a heartbeat if he said he needed my help. I do not give up on my friends. However, I do understand that he may need some time away from me for the sake of his relationship with Ajaa. I never want to comprimise that special bond that they have. I am sad to not see him, but will not interfere.

I then went hack to MosEisley to holler my serives to train people in Scouting and Brawling. Mos Eisley was VERY very quiet. An hour of that and I was quite fed up. So I left for Coronet... but it was too noisy and busy there to bother. I spotted Pahoo and thought... hey... Dantooine! Someone could use training out their with all the hunting going on. So I got buffed and traveled to Dantooine. Pahoo was there, too. He allowed me to practice my training on him for a bit. It really helped. I learned enough to be a Master Scout and he found me a Ranger to train me in Master Scout. I am now a Master Scout. Weehee!

We both headed out to his town (Wanders End) to hunt there as it has an improved job market and the pay out for missions is better. I took a mission to clear out some Mokk tribe primitives and to exterminate and nest of ravaging quenkers. The Mokks were tough. I had never done a mission like that alone. But I managed... barely. Someone had said that quenkers were easier, so i looked forward to an easier mission after the Mokks. I was SO misled!!! They swarmed up and the second I was distracted... the took me out! Pahoo called Blimey away from his hospital duty to heal me and rebuff me. I could have cloned and returned to Coronet for rebuffing... but he insisted. I was unsure who was more annoyed by the affair, Pahoo, Blimey or myself. Blimey then rushed back to his hospital duty.

Pahoo and I then went Hunting a different kind of prey... Imperials. He expressed that Blimey may be quite concerned about me having been recruited as Blimey can be a bit touchy about factions. Blimey is Neutral. I understand his decision. I asked that Jakob not tell Blimey, I wanted to tell him myself. Sigh... I hoped he wouldn't be upset. I did what I felt was right in my spirit. If he really insisted that I resign from being part of the Rebel Alliance... I would.

I was mulling over how to tell him when Pahoo had to leave for another duty that called him and Blimey got off duty and called me on the comm. OY!!! That was great timing... I was in the middle of two Imperial encampments fighting off several Imperials. I tried to deter him from coming to meet me... in case they associate him with me and place another mark on him. But he came anyways. Well... no sense trying to hide it... nor need to bother telling him. He wasn't upset at all. He and Pahoo had had many discussion on the matter of faction and Imperial dealing in this universe over BBQ's. Blimey explained to me that he cannot heal me or be of any medical assistance while I am overt in any way. It is a consequence I knew and understood... and accepted. I take responsibility for my actions.

He then asked if I wanted to go to Endor to POI hunt. WOOHOO! That is exactly what I was hoping to do soon. Endor is so lush and beautiful with its thich redwood forests. We met up with Caco, mayor of Wanders End, to do this POI hunt. I had a small stress episode in the Coronet spaceport as I was overwhelmed by the crowds and all... and was galad to get away to the peace of Endor. Caco is a wonderful man. I liked the feeling I got him. Hmmm. I ... I guess I do use this "gift" of mine alot. I am a little more conscious of it. We hunted swirl prong (a deer-like creature) and met ewoks. We checked out the Ewok tree village and lake village and got some amazing photos. Damn. I have to find a way to fix my photo gallery to a better service provider... I will work on it in November. We met another Wanders End resident, Cinthia at the Dulok village POI. She is rather nice too. Fun and funny. I had an amazing time!!! I actually... really... enjoyed myself. Caco still thinks he can convince me to move to Wanders End... figuring if I meet more of the filk and like them, that I will move there. Hehe. Not anytime soon. I still am stuck with Tatooine houses and vendor. Cinthis and Caco asked for the waypoit of my vendor. They might go clear me out as they have better resourses for selling things. Sure... By all means... PLEASE... help me get rid of the damnable vendor!!! Well... this was MUCH MORE FUN that my usual lone-wolfing when I POI hunt.

It was really great meeting you Caco and Cinthia!

Solitary on Naboo

I lone-wolfed it a bit during the day. Explored some of the cities and markets, surrounding territories... forests... interesting architecture. I had a chance to get a really good look at both the Orange and the Blue Rugs. Yup. I like them both. But 2million credits is a bit too much for me. I am only missing blue rug adhesive to make my own blue rug. I am missing alost everything for the orange one. :( I guess I will have to patiently collect.

I headed to Theed to do some research in the Famous Library. WOW! The architecture for this building is absolutely incredible, fluid and alive. It is of warm brown brick and cool copper green roofing with the sense of like teaming around it. The two waterfalls make it feel very magickal, like out of some fairy tale. Inside, the rooms were mostly empty. They had very high ceiling with mezmerizing marble floors. The furnishings were sparse. There were domestic plants here and there that I had never seen before. And the rooms were decorated simple and practically. Some were for sitting, others for meetings, some for dicussions, one for sleep meditations.... There were several alcoves to hid away in for personal activities (reading or journalling). The outside balcony locations were breathtaking as the looked out over Theed and the waterfalls.

I sat there for some time... just thinking, reading, writing, meditating...venting in my journal (and then deleting).

Bordesc is still avoiding me.
Bremm has not been on the comm for a few days. I hope all is well with him and that he hasn't been captured or anything.
Blimey was busy working in the hospitals of Dantooine.

It was a good day to just lone-wolf.

I tried to put this situation of Bordesc and Ajaa out of my mind in order to do other things... but it still bothered me. So I travelled to Corellia to camp a bit and then to Tattooine to try training others in Scouting and Brawling to earn some apprenticeship experience for my Master Scout skill. 2 hours of hollaring in Mos Eisley and I got to train only one guy. I am tired. I will go crash in my office.

Back to Dantooine

Blimey and I hunted on Dantooine for a bit. I have been on Dantooine a bit too much and am getting sick of it some. Must be all the pink and the fact that I actually can't so any solo missions completely solo. Having spen 4 hours here earlier... i was not greatly impressed with hunting here more. But Blimey was looking for a place to work Buffing. Coronet was packed with 4 doctors and there were 2 already here in Dantooine's Mining Outpost. So we hunted instead. He was rather quiet, not in much of a talking mood... and hunting here takes up more of my concentration to keep from getting killed. So we hunted in relative silence. He grew tired, I grew bored.... He decided to break for some sleep.

When he left, I hiked up to explore the Ruined Jedi Temple again and listen a little more openly to the whispering there. They were rather quiet too. But, I could feel them watching me... and feel them smile? But why for? I left shortly after.

Jakob came on the comm and I asked if he was up for any hunting. He was... on Dantooine. Ug. Well, the hunting was out of his town and I got to meet some other people in his city, Kesa and DT. Kesa wondered why I was on Dant as a newbie to the galaxy. I was a newbie a month ago. I didn't feel like a newbie now... at least until i had asked a couple questions and the tone in the responses were *oh yes, she IS still a newbie*... sigh. I am learning. I can't hunt solo yet, but I was in good hands as Kesa has put it. Jakob was great at keeping me from dying by shooting. It was an experience. I learned a new term today from him that was amuzing... Shellhead... that is what he calls StormTroopers, as we had met some on our hunting. They seem to be no match for him. I watched in awe.

Finally exhaustion took over and I had to go crash for the night.

Blimey & Bordesc

I met up with Blimey today as I was tagging Bordesc on my comm, hoping to get the two to meet. Bordesc has listened to me babble about Blimey and how much I miss him for a month now. And Blimey, now that he is here wants to meet the doc who has been such a good friend... also to have a doc friend of his own out here to help him familiarize himself with the new galaxy... someone to "talk shop" with.

But Bordesc would not come out to meet me. Yup... it is another one of those misunderstanding things again. Somehow, his lady and some friends of his believe (from what I have written in this datapad journal) that my intentions toward Bordesc are to be more than friends. I like Bordesc. I consider him a very close friend and someone I usually feel remarkably at ease speaking to. We make an awesome hunting team. And he is among the few I have trusted with healing and buffing me for a long time. He is a wonderful, patient guy... but in no way have I ever been interested in him as anything more that good close friends. They believe Blimey to be a figment of my imagination. ~~sigh if intense frustration~~

Well, I learn yet again that he is avoiding me because of this. What the FUCK (excuse my Trandoshan... well, actually don't)... what the fuck did I do/say THIS time?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Well, I got ecxplained this to Blimey and got the two at least talking to each other over the comm. I have no idea what was said. But in the end, the agreement was that Blimey and I and Ajaa and Bordesc need to meet all at the same time. Bordesc still would not come out though.

On the good side of all this... Blimey and Bordesc talked shop for like 30min after.

Socializing

I met up with Dolch who brought me hunting with other members of Wikan. He is a strong advocate of teaching me to socialize with others. They frequently still spoke in a language I just could not understand more than 1/3 or less of. So I was often very quiet. But I enjoyed myself just the same. Saladrim is an interesting guy (he is the one who got me in contact with Dolch in the very beginning so I could give him a message and then later healed me) and Sandrita is very friendly though spoke more Spanish than Basic.

I learned some new words in Spanish:

Entiendo = i understand
Tradea = trade
Bufo = buff me
Vida - health
Fuerza = strength
Constitucion = constitution
Accion = action
Resistentia = stamina
Rapidez = quickness

I am doing better in cities. I can block most people out. I still can't be in too close a proximity or in a tight crowd... but that will come. I have to get over fears as well as learn to either block this "gift" or work with it.

Know Thyself

Well... I had a long talk with Blimey yesterday. It helped really sort many things out. He has an incredible understanding and knows me and what happened to me best. Brem may know some of my past... and that closeness is still there... always will be. I feel a bit too close to him at the moment. So close I am not sure of myself in his presense and freeze up. But Blimey... Blimey I trust so implicitly.

I stumbled through explaining the problem I am having with sensing strange things. He echoed Brems words on it. And thankfully didn't think I was a nut. But believes I need to take some time and train how to control it... and understand it... not hate it or fear it. He... also still sees that I blame myself for my daughters' deaths. In some ways I do... but he helped me remember things about that moment. When they died, I was unable to block out what was being felt by people around me. I felt my pain and horror. I felt the pain and horror and anguish of my daughters as they were brutally raped, beated and killed before me. I felt the sick pleasure of my master as he... as he forced himself upon them and beat them... and finally killed them... his sense of being sated and satisfied. But never once... never once in all that did my daughter have anything but love for me. They never held me to blame. I had forgotten that feeling lost in the onslaught of the other feelings. I can hold onto that and heal from it. Sometime soon I will hold a private funeral and say my goodbyes to my two daughters.

Blimey and I also spoke about what happened to me while I was in slavery and how it is distorting how I feel and behave around others. And how I get confused and scared and frustrated when I get too close to some people, like Brem... like Blimey. I took great courage for me to talk on all this. And he helped me clarify it, challenging me to explain myself. He knows I have a gap in my social education regarding relationships. as I was from a monastic 15 year old to a slave and at 32 I am free and trying to intergrate myself back into society.

I beg everyone to please have understanding of this... and extreme patience. Never at any time do I ever intend anything more than friendship. There are only a few I wish to be closer to... though not yet... (Brem, Blimey...Blimey more than anyone). He knows I cannot get that close just yet. And I trust him to not be upset by my actions or reactions. If I give anyone else the wrong impression... please say so IMMEDIATELY... because I know I will be misunderstaood... and have already in the past... and forsee it happening in the future. ~~sigh~~

I did bluntly... with hesitation... tell Blimey I did want to be more than firends. He declined... for now.

He did strongly suggest... counselling and talking of my experience. He suggested solitary meditation and... learning to accept... and as he put it... know and love myself. there were many other things said that were hard to hear... but helped me greatly to get things sorted out.

Just having all this sorted has helped me greatly in gaining better control ofver what I feel from people around me. Not being able to pick things up "feeling"-wise from Blimey also helped immensely. We were way out on Yavin IV where there were no other people whose thoughts and feelings could mix up with my own. There was just Blimey (who i could not sense) and myself. Only me to get a grip on it all.

Thank you Blimey.
For helping me see and understand...
For never crossing the line of closeness to confuse me any further...
For listening to me openly... and not being upset with my words or thinking me a nut.
Thank you.

Blimey... at last...

Blimey came on the comm at last. I managed to convince the medic droid I could travel and that I was going to see a doc. He confirmed my info before letting me leave. Geez... So I met Blimey in Bestine. Among people... I was all on edge with sensation... making me uncharacteristically wary and nervous. I think it disturbed Blimey.

Blimey is SO grounded a person... I... cannot read him, or get anything from him. It is unsettling, and yet relieving at the same time.

He healed and buffed me and we went hunting. All our hunting attempts were vacant. I mean, we went searching for something and finding nothing there. In MANY locations. Finally on Yavin IV we landed in a mess of crazed Geonosians, a droideka and enhanced kwi and kliknik. Why were they so far out from the Geo Caves Lab? Well we struggled to fight them. We actually were doing kinda well but my head just... wasn't in the right place. I was beginning to think I would comprimise his safety. I think he noticed too. I know he noticed. We veared off and made camp.

We... talked... for a long time... till the buffs wore off...
It really helped get my head screwed on properly. It was not necessarily what I would have liked to hear, but it was what I needed to hear. (not that i even really knew what i wanted to hear in the first place... but what was said between us... was hard to hear, but necessary)

Dathomir

I was stuck in yet another deluge on arrival. Damn planet is like in a permanant state of deluge. I realized last noght, that I am not afraid of storm, or animals, or heights... but damn do I freak if the water is deeper than my boots. I don't yet know how to swim, which might be a contribution to this...

Well, Dath (as it is called for short) is shrouded im steamy mists (hot in some areas, chill in others). The planet is dark and wet and almost always raining. There are MANY dangerous animals including Rancor! There is SO much energy here... it is almost overwhelming on my senses, espcialyy since I cannot block things out at the moment. Perhaps this was a bad idea. Maybe... maybe I should have gone to Endor or Yavin.

Pahoo contacted me on the comm. He sees Blimey more that I at this point. Blimey moved into Jakob's city. Pahoo and jakob are in the same guild. pahoo is helping Blimey out and sees him frequently. Blimey has been very busy getting established in the hospitals in this galaxy. Pahoo was on Dath too. he was hunting Rancor and Nightsisters.

I came to my first POI: Misty Falls... they are misty. The mist and water sprays from a crack in the mountain and it shimmers and sparkles down 200m. Wow. I flew off it and through it all the way down! No fears of water when on my bike!

I later paused at a strange tree. It shimmered too... and had strange markings, banners and a bol skull. I took a picture of it.

Dath has sarlaac!! I never saw it in the dense foliage. Now I am diseased. Ug... I can get through my POI hunting though. I am buffed, I can hold out. I stopped at an Imperial Prison, but no doc was there to see me. Maybe at this village ahead? OH NO. no... there are Nightsisters there. And the feeling i get there is ... dark... very dark. My stomach turned just passing it. being diseased didn't help. I struggled to remove my helmet so i could puke.

Pahoo seems very friendly and kind. I... think i could like him. But at the moment... he is too strange to me, and... and... I am afraid to be near anyone until i get a grip on my "wierdnesses". Blimey will surely think i am a nut. I think i am a nut! Damn... I am so sick. I will just pack away my helmet and not bother with it. it only gets in the way at the moment. I am cold, wet... shivering... and ill. I wish Blimey were here. But... I don't want to pull him from work to see me. Pahoo was going to ask him to come out to me. I tried to sound as if all was well. I don't think he believed me.

RANCOR! Crap!

Damn. In the cloning facility. Too sick to move.

Brem and Nyax's Cult

Yesterday was a very rough day for Brem. I... I brought him to Lord Nyax's abandoned hindeout. I had recently had a dream (that i felt insignificant at the time to bother writing about) and had this intense feeling, and the whispering was encouraging me... to bring him there. He needed to face something... something dark inside himself. And needed to do so with someone good at his side to help him after. The details of that... you have to ask him... but i doubt he will tell you. It was... very personal and private. We all have our ghosts. He needed to face his.

We talked lots after, while shivering in the rain. I hate when it rains... it never just rains on my... rain alone would be pleasant. Noooo... I get the deluges and storms. I set up camp and we continued to talk. We got to sort many things out... and confuse things too. I know, I am not making sense. ~~sigh~~ I don't know how to make this all make sense... it doesn't make any sense to even me...

Well, i think Brem knows more what goes on in my head and what has gone on in my past more that Blimey. I trust them both... equally... almost... intim... lots. But I trust them in different ways. the same... but different. I am making no sense....

I feel like I have gotten too close. I can't block out the feelings of others or the whispering that is constant now in the back of my mind. I need to get away. Brem and I got... too close... Just... too close. I ...

I am off to Dathomir. I have never been there. I want to do some lone-wolfing there and get the badges for the POI's.

Zabrak Culture & Biology

This is a rough summary. I did some research through online galactic encyclopedia and medical zoological texts. This is what I found out. And for the best details of information...

http://www.angelfire.com/empire/righteous/sithandthemaiden.html

Planet:
Iridonia (harsh acidic and radiation infested climate)

Species:
Development of heightened senses, endurance and willpower, force predisposition
Cantolerate and withstand extreme pain long beyond the average human
horns denote genetic race, as does skin color and eye color (normally skin and eye colur are a related match. There is very little body hair.
Body produces pheramones for maiting and for Tai'shan.
Species has a high tendancy toward violence and other intense reactions, thus are also extremely passionate. In extreme anger or fight-mode, tend to howl challenges or growl... but this is socially frowned upon al a loss of self-control. Graceful, fluid forms, high intelligence.
Race developed culture and religion and is among the earliest space-faring species.
Tend to make excellent warriors, assassins, swordmen.
Intensely honourable species... loyal... perhaps to a fault.
Passionate (near violent) lovers, though can be very gentle and charming. Tai'shan, or true spirit/body union, is the only kind that will result in a child. Therefore, majority of unions are infertile. Most children of Zabrak are now grown in a lab or via cloning technology.
Aloof wanderers, thus are widespread about the galaxy.

Culture:
Tribal, close-knit families.
Horns denote genetic lineage.
Tattooes are on both the face and body, reflecting personality and stature.
Religious order complex: includes both celibate and non-celibate clergy.
Honour is deeply ingrained.
Pure-race discrimination can be prevalent in some tribes, thus children not like others in tribe may be sentenced to death for their differentness.
Tai'shan is both a physical (pheramonal) response resulting in a union as well as a spirital life/love bonding. (A Zabrak may have many lovers... but only one Tai'shan has a matching pheramonal response... which is intense and induces sometimes confusing or disorienting attraction and desire for coitus)

Courtship - (as quoted from the website above... and includes the consequences of rape)

"Pairing involves the custom of Tai Shan, which is based upon the use of the acute sense of smell to recognize compatible pheromones secreted by a female (and rarely a male) as a subtle scent or musk, which leads to a rapid attraction and then to successful pairing for life. Matched pheromones create chemicals with powerful aphrodisiac properties which lead to very rapid courtship and stable life bonds being undertaken. Under certain conditions, these bio-chemicals cause mind expanding drugs to be manufactured within the bodies of the paired couple. When ingested by each from the other, the drug enhances power derived from the Force and generates a transcendental state of being which reinforces the pair-bond during the mating process. It is the responsibility of the male partner to initiate the activities which create these bio-chemicals and to aid their ingestion.

Such is the immediacy and power of this attraction, and realisation that each is meant for the other, that In very ancient times the 'courtship' frequently consisted of acts approaching 'consensual rape' and sexual violence, which transmuted to a deep and abiding love once the female had submitted. It is the suddenness and violence of the act which is distressing, for the female is less able to resist the violence, even though she is in the same state of need as the male, who often, in his confusion, will heedlessly beat her senseless lest she fail to accept him.
As civilisation gained ascendancy and a social structure formed, techniques of self control were developed and taught to all children, and courtship was formalised to eliminate the more violent aspects. The male generally being more powerful and stronger than the female, the custom arose requiring him to exercise great control over his instinctive responses, and ask the female formally for a decision about undertaking the commitment to be his consort, or Tai Shan, and whether she truly wished to mate with him. Custom requires also that this question be asked just before the final commitment to each other and in a state of extreme sexual excitement. This gives the female the illusion that she exercises some sort of final control although in reality, both partners are almost totally controlled by their biochemistry at this point in the proceedings. The female also has certain responsibilities to perform to the male, including ritualistic expressions of love before the male is able to ask for her commitment.

The custom and ritual surrounding courtship is so ingrained into the young that great restraint is exercised as adults, and the natural violent responses are effectively controlled. Even so, the first experience of it's effects can be overpowering and result in temporary physical disorientation. The punishment for rape, even under these conditions, is final and conclusive. While some may consider such extreme justice to be immoral and unjustified in these civilised days, consider that for the Zabrak, laxity in this matter has the potential to lead to chaos and anarchy within a very close-knit community, and the disintegration of society. It should be noted, also, that there has been no need to invoke such punishment for many millennia of recorded history, such is the success of their education program. "

So... my mother had many lovers... but one Tai'shan... my father.

And does any of this explain the odd ... feelings... between Blimey and me? And how and why we bacame so close so quickly and easily? And can there be more than on Tai'shan? Or is this just stupidity. How DO i feel about him? And... how much do I trust him. Reading the above... I do not think i could remotely dare such closeness... I think I am still far too ruled by fear, even if there was something along the lines of ... this....

Honour is the Law...
Love is the Bond...

I think I understand it some. When I get it a bit more straight in my head, I will try to explore it here in the journal. For now... I will lone-wolf it... and hunt... and let my mind wander. Perhaps I will Go deep into the woods somewhere... and rework the training i had received as a child. i cannot go through life so... effected by the "wierdnesses" that can sometimes grip me as they did the other night. I am "different" enough... I do not need to have this interfering with my judgement and actions.

Wierd Kid Shit

I hate being "different". I am always "different". And last evening was a spectacular display of that. I had asked Bremm about his early childhood and wahat he remembered of his mother... it wasn't much... but the emotion was intense... and she was deceased. I had this image of a pregnant Zabrak woman swaying and dnacing around a warm fire... and just as i told this vision to Bremm, I blanked out. Apparently He saw a merged view of me/her dancing around out campfire.

It freaked me out. This shit hadn't happened to me since the nightmares when I was a child. I couldn't block it out. As I sat there shaking, disoriented... I could see tears streaming down his face. Part of me so wanted to hold him and comfort him... and the rest of me was scared out of my wits for having lost such control. At least it was... positive? I think. He assured me it was.

He then stood with such a firm decision in mind. "I am going to undergo the surgery again... right now. I need to be Zabrak in body AND spirit." And so that is what he did. He asked if I would honour him by caring for his things till he returned. That the surgery would not take long... but would be very involved... going from older original DNA. Dangerous. I was worried for him, and honoured that he asked me this. Of course I would help... anywat I could. I was scared for him. But i think I understand. By messing with his DNA to look Twi'lek, he dishonours the memory of his mother... and the evening's experience must have drove that home. So despite the dangers of being discovered by the Imperials that enslaved him as a klling machine... he was going to return to the most basic and original form he can of himself.

I fretted for some time... He was "gone". I know the body will change and the spirit be the same... but...

He returned. Safe, whole, alive. Spirit intact. It will take some getting used to. He seriously needed rest now. I set him up in my office to sleep. And watched over him over the night... even though he tried to show such protection over me against potential nightmares. I watched over him. I stayed up until I knew he was well alseep. I had no nightmares.

By the Lake with Bremm

Bremm came out to see this lovely lake sanctuary on Tattooine. I wanted to share its beauty and peace with someone... everyone... close to me. We sat and watched the water... i needed someone to talk things over with.... I thought he would think me a nutball too, but he said I was just... Gifted. Dolch said he knew someone he would ask for advice on my ... strangeness. I am different. But Bremm doesn't see it as a bad thing. My ability to feel what others feel is an empathy that helps me understand them and be more compassionate and caring of them. And... well... the whispering has never done me harm... usually has aided me. We talked... well I talked. He is a patient listener... I knew there were things on his mind too, troubling him. We are becoming very close. I like how we can hunt together... or just sit for hours by the campfire and talk... like I used to do with Blimey.

Sometimes... I feel... all confused inside... not sure what to feel. Can I trust him as I trust Blimey?
Can I share with Blimey the thought and feelings i share with Bremm? Is this what my mother meant by caring for more than one? They are equal... but ... different. Will I ever get to talk like this with Blimey again? He has been so occupied getting sorted out... I have hardly seen him.

I learned a little about Zabrak life from Bremm... even though he is Twi'lek. He used to be Zabrak. But terrible things happened and he had an opportunity to escape to freedom if he underwent this drastic surgical procedure. Now he is free... like me... Anyways, he explained to me that Zabrak horns are a genetic way to identify clans and that some horn structures have meanings or cultural sugnificance. ANd that being different from the clan... can mean death.

I will do further research... as my family were the only Zabrak in out town as a child... and all I have of my culture is my language.

Dolch & Questions

Dolch and I talked a bit over the comm. I think he was lecturing me about my lone-wolfing... about getting to know people and learning to socialize more. I really like his group... but... the language barrier is somewhat intimidating.

As I traveled back to Tattooine, I had this intensely strong feeling like I had to be somewhere. I could almost picture it in my mind. Mos Hispania? I went there... but no, that wasn't quite right... close... but not it. I didn't know WHY I had to be in this place... but it was a place in this direction and similar to MosHispania. i did some missions out of there hoping the feeling would either become clearer or go away. Unfortunately, Desert Demon Gang members attacked me just as I was trying to take out a diseased bocatt lair. I was weakened and wounded. The cats were tough. I contracted a zoonotic disease called grey-rot. Dolch came out to my rescue and banished the Desert Demons. I managed to set up camp. He scared the crap out of me regarding the details of this disease. He called in a doctor friend of his who arrived shortly and healed me.

Um... I found hwat I was looking for out here. Someone I needed to talk to.. in Way Far actually. So I was close. Dolch helped me find this person. We then traveled together to my Benefactor's Desert Sanctuary. I had an opportunity I just could not pass up. I chance to learn about my benefactor and fill in some of the blanks... hopefully answer some questions that have nagged me terribly. She was a full priestess. She was such an open and caring, bold and daring, courageous and extremely patient woman. She liked to wander and be with people. She sounded much like my mother, except the priestess part. Then I remembered a note I had found when I first arrived in Radiant... Honour is the Law... I couldn't remember it all. It was niggling in the back of my mind as Dolch was telling me how she had taught him much. I told him of the note. I knew it was part of the clergy vows, that I can no longer take since there are no clergy as she was. He knew the vow.

Honour is the Law.
Love is the Bond.

I follow the first part already, live it in my spirit and actions... but the second. What really does it mean? A couple more years in the monestary, I would have learned this and taked the vows myself with the rituals. Dolch said that She was born in Kadaara and i should seek out the temples there. But... been there. It is a place completely over-run by Imperials and all the temples are gone now. Dolch was angered and pained. It seethed in his spirit. I can feel it. Oh gods, I could feel it. Why couldn't I block it out? Then the whispering came back in the back of my mind, like when I was at Nyax's Cult hideout. They whispered the vows over and over. The second part of the vow haunts me with confusion. The whispering, usually voices of my deceased mentors, or the deceased jedi in Nyax's... was a woman's stong yet soft voice, one I did not recognize. I felt brave enough to share something with Dolch. I ... I told him about the whispering I hear. And that it is strongest in Nyax's, here, or when I hold the old holocron I inherited. I prayed he would not consider me a nut. But they were getting more dificult to block out and I felt the need to tell someone. You know, in case I AM crazy and someone has to "deal" with me. I think he thought me a nutball. Maybe I shouldn't have told him. I should have told someone I trusted more, like Bremm or Blimey or Bordesc. I just felt that I should tell Dolch, that he could... help in some way.

Honour is the Law
Love is the Bond

*GASP*

My parents had said these words before!! But they weren't clergy... were they? I am so confused. I am going to have to lone-wolf it somewhere remote and try to figure this out... if nothing else, try to remember all my early training from bith the school and the monestary on how to bury and block this curse of mine to feel what others feel and hear... the whispering of the dead... or see visions and nightmares that often come true. One follows the other. I want to head this off before the nightmares come, before I have any "wierd episodes".

Bremm & Blimey

The two met last night as the three of us hunted on Dantooine together. Blimey was first snagged into a duel and then a disturbing conversation and later into buffing more people than he could keep up with. He just can't say no to people needing his medical services. *smile*

He did finally join up with me and Bremm and we hunted till we were all too tired.

I will have to chat over a campfire with each of them at some point.

I also want Blimey to meet Bordesc sometime. So the docs can talk shop together.

Blimey has already met Jakob, and now, Bremm... after Bordesc, he will have met all the people I trust most. Beyond them are Dolch and Thrakazog. Thrakazog is almost never on the comm... and Dolch I am just starting to get to know. He is endearling and charming. I found a picture of him and my benefactor!

Solo Corvette Stupidity

Well I brought back the documents and got some payment. Not anything comparable to what I spent searching. I was then asked to intercept the CorSec Corvette and retrieve the prisoner. I figured... OK... this shouldn't be too hard. I will just go slow, sneak in, find him and get him out.

HA! I was stupid. I couldn't find the prisoner. Rather, he was on my map but I could not find how to reach him. And trying got me discovered and attacked. I had to abort the mission in failure. I barely managed to grab the escape pod. My armor was a wreck. HELL ... I was a wreck. Gashed, cut, bruised, broken bones, bleeding.

Damn... I wished for Blimey or Bordesc.

I barely managed to craw into MosEisley. There were 2 wookie medics in the med centre who healed me.

That was collassally stupid. How could I have ever thought to do it solo!?!

Caluvari

Caluvari is a friend of Bordesc and Ajaa (well more Ajaa's friend) and he was leading the Krayt Dragon hunt the other day. Despite advise and warning from Bordesc he had to push my limits regrading touch. I was annoyed the first time before the hunt and set me to distrusting throughout the hunt. But I was thoroughly pissed off the second time after the hunt. We had 20 or 30 minutes of heated comm talk. I think we settled things. I doubt I will trust him ever. He will have a harder time than others simply because of his lack of respect.

Why the hell to people behave this way?!? Why do they HAVE to touch me when i make it clear i do not like it!?!

Lead #2: Nyax's Cult Hideout

I don't like being here. The dead keep whispering to me. It is very very creepy. I searched and searched but found nothing except some granades. Then a voice whispered rather clearly to me to check the shelves. I goosebumped. I almost bolted, but that would be very very unZabrak of me. I took a breath and ran through my old training to block things out and bury the wierd things that seem to be a part of me. I went back into the hideout and looked on all the shelves. I found a "Galactic Phrasebook & Travel Guide". I have no idea if any of these are useful. But oh well! My very skeleton felt like it iwas electrically charged. I am too out of practice blocking like this with such intense things trying to reach me. I have to leave! NOW!

Lead #3: Rebels & Korga on Endor

Endor... is so wonderful, full of thick diciduous and evergreen forests. I want to camp here... and seek out the interesting sights. Later. I have a mission to do. By the way... DAMN it is expensive to get here. This series of missions better pay well.

HAHAHAHA!! There are no Korga. I think the rebels made them up. They are just stone people.

I found some armor attachments that I can actually use. But other than that... an old oil drum contanied a gooey document called "A Galaxy Befuddled" by A. Rahring.

Lead #1- Talus Kahmurra Labs

I arrived at the Imperial Outpost and couldn't find my way out. So I brought up the city map for it. OMGs!!! You have GOT to look at this place with the overhead city map!!! Esoteric studies cross with Military genius! It is a deadly impervious defensive and offensive structure layout of an interwoven 6-pointed star! Holy Crap!

And at the labs... shit... literally. Kahmurra were raoming free, the lab was a mess. The kahmurra were very docile, but looked starved, so I let them out to hunt for their own food. I searched the magseal boxes... but nothing. Nothing in the first... nothing even in the fifth. The place was chaos, there was a skeleton of a man trapped under a shelf, and the entire lab smelled of rotting flesh. Oh, I guess it would... turned a corner and lo... rotting flesh on the floor! Explains the smell. Finally found an old metal drum with a blast hole in it. I decedes to search it. i stuck my hand in carefully avoiding the sharp rusty edges. AHA! There was a document: "CorSec Prison Transfer Document".

Lone-Wolf Mood

Yup. I am quite is an odd mood and figured it best to lone-wolf it a bit. I headed out to Way Far... well... becuase it was. There was a Zabrak working for Jabba there in the cantina. Her name was Yondalla. She had some work for me. Good, a series of Lone-Wolf missions to keep me occupied. An assassin of Jabbas was captured by CorSec on a mission to assassinate a scientist in the Kahmurra bio-engineering labs. Jabba wants him back before he get transfered to the Imperials and forced to talk. Yondalla had 3 leads:

1- The Imperial Bio-Engineering labs where they are trying to transform Corellian murras into all-terrain fighting beast called kahmurras. I should head out there to see wat I can dig up in the labs.

2- Lord Nyax's Cult (shiver) is secretly backed by the Imperials to hunt Jedi. (I had suspected that.) I am to search their hideout for anything regarding the transfer.

3- Endor. Rebels had stolen info from a sliced CorSec transmission and are supposedly hiding it in the Korga Caves. They seem to have some sort of connection with the Korga.

Alrighty. Off on a mission!

Dreams and Fears

When I stood on that roof... It was all so very surreal. Thinking back. Two months ago, I would never have imagined I could be so free. I was so trapped, locked both in a world of lust and resrictions, foced to do other men's biddings... locked up so tight within myself, Dreams crushed and killed as my daughters had been. Now...

Now...

I have known such freedom. I can be and do whatever I please... with whomever I please.

But somehow, there are still restrictions. There are oppressive people watching all the time, judging and waiting for the right moment to destroy that delicate sense of freedom.

It was so surreal standing on that roof. I saw such a peaceful town, surrounded by such dangers as only Dantooine can offer, with a dangerous Imperial town less than 2000m away... waiting to overpower them. How can so much peace be kept? The very thought that all the freedom I have known can vanish in a heartbeat. And I never really figured out who and what I am or want to be.... Do I have such time? Does anyone? The Imperial reign is rising.

I dreamed of... once... having a peaceful life. Guarding as my father had, writing as my mother had... living with the peace of a simple but beautiful temple nearby. Perhaps... perhaps knowing love... will I?

I see Bordesc with his girl, Ajaa. She loves him fiercely. I can feel her fear of losing him. It is similar to my fears of losing Blimey. Do I love him? Or he I? I care deeply for him as I do for other friends.

I don't know what I am saying. I must sound crazy.
I stood on that roof and the beauty of the scene before me was so intense...
All I could see was it in ruins ... I wanted to cry.
How could such a place exist? How can it last? Will it be here a year from now? Or a month?

I think panick took me.

I rushed back to tattooine's hot desert. I tried to bury all this in a brave fight with a group of strangers against Krayt dragons. But... I can't shake it. I can't bury the dreams i want from the fears I have.

And Blimey has been so ... so not himself. It pains me. He ... the stasis has been hard on him. he has so much to sort out. He must feel as lost as I. But I do not know where he is. We have not seen each other much since that first night.

I cannot explain how I feel. It ... is so ... complex. Part of me want to hold him so close. And part of me wants to fly away to isolation. Part of me aches for the tiny peaceful moment on the Watchmen's Guild hall roof to last forever.... It is like something has gripped the very core of me and is squeezing, my heart pounding, there is no air.

Dantooine Exploration & Hunt

I gt a stray buff. I much prefer to get them from Bordesc or Blimey... but niether are here and I need to do to Dantooine. I need to be buffed or the very environment and local fauna will kill me.

I traveled to Jakob's city, Wanders End. Quaint. They had a nice layout for a city. They had all the necessities except an shuttleport. One of Jaob's Guildmates spotted me and said hi. He was a bit suspicious of me untill I mentioned that Jakob had invited me. Then he was quite pleasant and helpful. His name is Dups. Dups showed me around the town a bit before he flew off on his missions.

I later went south of Wanders End as the note suggested. Ok... "southish" whatever that means. All I found were 2 towns: Eden, which was a very empty town, and Dooms Keep.

Dooms Keep is an Imperial Base town. It is deceptively build to get you trapped inside. I almost couldn't get out. I was scanned and watched suspiciously. They must have though I was a spy. They then had me followed all the way back to Wanders End. But nothing unpleasant happened.

Jakob met me in Wanders End and showed me around some more. He gave me a great tour of his Guild Hall. The view from the roof is fantastic. The town is not in a section of plaent that is annoying. What I mean is the planet is covered in pink and purple flowers... but this part is grassy, like Corellia, with interesting standing stones scattered here and there. And the decor in the Guild Hall... is ... wow... I am so inept! They have such good taste and style. And it is so very comfortable and welcoming. Make it very tempting to live in this town. Very tempting.

As for my secret mission... well... I ran into a wall for it. I don't know what I am to do. I have no other clues.

Stopped and/or Attacked

For the past few days, I have been stopped and searched by Imperials and their probots. I have no (zero) FP at the moment. WTF!! And there are just more Imperials now than I am used to in this galaxy. Maybe I need to lean a little and try to rebalance the scale?

And I finally got out to my Benefactor's Desert Sanctuary. WOW!!! It is by a lake! Can you believe that!!!??? A lake on Tattooine!!! It is an amazingly simple house, with meaningful decor. I feel so inept and inadequate with my decor abilities... :( The furnishings are simple and matching. She has a few pictures and weapons mounted on the walls. There is an amazingly huge Alderaan Flower with a note from Dolch in the pot. A plain wooden table with 2 chairsis in the living space. The bedroom has a small bed and 2 shelves with jars of foraged creatures. She must have been a hunter, a scout. There are vibroblades and polearms on the walls and in storage. She must have also been a Teras Kasi and Pike fighter. But battle is so not the energy I feel in this space. There are several crystals in the container in the bedroom.... I just wonder. It still doesn't tell me much about her. Yet... the peaceful feeling here is so much like that of the monestary I was in.

It really feels like a sanctuary.

I was afraid to move, touch or take anything. I finally did pick up a weapons repair kit, a "treasure map" and a note. I am sure I found some clues of use. I loaded the treasure map into my dtapad and discovered the location of the "pirate treasure" to be really nearby! So I went to dig it up. Well, I was instantly attacked by pirates. (And not I get attacked by them everywhere!!!) The treasure wasn't even anything spectacular: a wooden staff, broken viewscreen, a chunk of electrobinoculars... crap... all crap. And it leaft me with a damed moark against me.

So the note. It must be a better clue that the treasure map was. She has been known to be cryptic. Her message that I had to pass on to Dolch certainly was cryptic, but at least he understood it. This note read:

South-ish of Wanders End
Must see... be warned...
Ban
Attack


Ok... Wanders End. That is Jakob's City. I guess I take a trip to Dantooine...

I tried to share all my findings with Bordesc, but he was with Ajaa... who for some bizarre reason showed some sort of jealousy to me. I am so not interested in Bordesc in that way. Hell. Well, I guess I will have to be wary of her and just not speak to him if I notice she is on. I don't want to upset their relationship because she can't get it through her head or even trust his word that there is nothing but friendship and business between me and Bordesc. Damn.

Secret Mission

I picked up a secret mission. Well... I found a mission request among my benefactor's belongings. But there are many puzzle pieces missing from it for me to make sense of it or complete it. Perhaps there are more clues at her Desert Sanctuary that Dolch told me about.

It had something to do with Jedi and things... but I don't know... hehe... secret even from me!

Blimey is HERE!!!

Blimey came out of stasis on Tuesday!!! YAY!!! Be is feeling very "off" though from the stasis. Not very sociable. I wanted to speak with him SO much! He wanted to hear from me too. He DID remember me! I was too excited he was here that i answered none of his questions. We will go hunt on and off for the next few days until things calm and he feels up to talking more.

He spooked Jakob. But Jakob has since been reassured.

Blimey joined Jakob's city! I still don't quite know why. Jakob must have made him welcome. I almost feel like joining that city because of Jakob. Tempting.

Monestary

Our ship came under a series of attacks. To protect all the students, we were all split up and hidden in different areas. Not even our parents knew where. I was in a monestary. I didn't even know what planet. That was for my safety. When i was older and had learned what I needed to survive, then i would be able to go out into the universe again.

Everyone in the monestary I was at were old... very very old. I was really young, just barely 13. I continued my training there. But, well, kids are kids... hehe. My mentor used to say:

"They dropped a firecat into a nest of mice!"

I had my mothers wanderlust and curiosity. I just wish ... I wish I had my fathers skill to fight. They would not teach me any fighting skills. I was to learn them until I learned to master other skills. I never got the opportunity.

Trandoshen attacked the monestary looking for potential slaves. They killed the elderly priests and priestess, my teachers, guides and mentors of 2 years. I had fight in me... but no skill. They took me and sold me like HQ (high quality) Herbivore meat on the hutt markets. I was 15 years old.

That was 17 years ago........

I have been free now for... 2 months. I am learning to fight. I will never be that defenseless again... ever.

Education

I think I was considered a bright child. Whatever. I had good grades and excelled in the arts and social fields. I advance quicker than most students and earned a scholarship at a young age to study in a space-faring school for the gifted. We traveled from place to place studying under the best teachers. I never saw my parents again. The guardians insisted on a few things. To apply ourselves to the best we can.

To be honourable, honest, respectful, respectable, trustworthy, responsible, accountable, reliable...

True to our word
True to our path
True to ourselves

There is more... but that is confidential.

Childhood Memories: Mom

She was not around too much. She had to travel lots for missions. When she was, we were very close. She loved to be among people, to know what made them who they were. She was also a counsellor and a storyteller. Some called her a shaman or priestess. I never knew for sure if she really was either. But she traveled off planet often. My dad didn't even know the reasons. But they trustes each other implicitly. My dad told me she loved many people, but that he was first in her datapad. I didn't understand that then. Now I know it to mean she was polyamorous. She cared for me very much, though... and love me and my dad dearly. I could remember that feeling.

Childhood Memories: Dad

I have very few.

When I was a small child, i had difficulty being in groups of people in close proximity. I would "feel what they feel". I know that sounds real stupid. But that is what it felt like. I though i was going to go mad. My father protected me as best he could... and when the nightmares came, he would chase them away. He was a tough Zabrak and fought the dangers nearby. But alone with people he was close to, he was a vey quiet and gentle man.

I still suffer the nightmares, but I have learned to bury them for the most part. Fewer come true now. And i have since learned to block people out and connect on that empathetic level with very few and only when necessary.

Bremm

I met with Bremm and we camped in the desert for a while. We talked. We talked long. he needed to share. I think we can be good close friends. I have a good feeling of trust with him. I am honoured that he trusted me with his story.

Bremm is studying unarmed combat. He has had a very rough life, although he did bring it upon himself with his gambling addiction. Beyond that... he is a calm, warm-hearted and honourable man.... with certain people. He know how to respect distances... without needing to be told. He read my bio... and just maintained a good comfortable distance. *smile* We shared our losses and explored our past together... talked well into the morning.He put os such a warrior's mask of toughness and gambling non-chalance... few see the sensitive man behind that mask. He recently endured a terrible hardship. His story to tell if he want to, so i cannot share it here, out of confidentiality and trust. He will heal. And now he knows he has some good friends who can and will be there if he needs.

Thinking About People I know

I was sitting, drinking and listening to the musicians for a while. And then began to think about all the people I know. Most of them I have interesting reactions to. When I was a little girl, I used to have... feelings... about folks... and feel what they felt.

I thought back to when I met Bordesc, and how I had this interesting feeling of trust and so, when I needed a doc, contacted him... and we quickly became good friends. I connected right away with Jakob... and he is Jedi... well I think. Ghozst had such a strong connection and the softest energy for a warrior. I hope he is doing well. Blimey... well we have such a connection... he can sometimes read me no matter what i bury and hide. Bremm.. Bremm has ... sad energy. Hmmm... He never came across as sad before. But now that I think of him... There is a deep and painful sadness... a loss of self or something.

And then... of all spooky moments... Bremm came on the comm asking if we can sit in a camp and talk... he ... really needed to talk to someone. The feeling I had of him became so intense... i could not ignore it.

Squill Hunting

MosEisley is VERY quiet this day. I bumped into Bordesc at the bank terminal and a friend of his, Vuldare. We decided to go squill hunting in the Squill Caves. Early on in, Vuldare had to leave as he got called away by an emergency comm call. So Bordesc and I continued on together. He can really handle thes creatures... and probably do this whole hunt without help. It is SO impressive to watch him Swing his polearm. WOW. My radar showes us SURROUNDED! Some guy passed us trying to do this alone. Brave guy. Ug. Squill are real ugly and smelly.

Bordesc and I make a good hunting team.

back to back

we stand our ground

foes attacking us

from all around

back to back

we strike our blows

one by one

fall our foes

Ok... don't laugh. I know it wasn't very good. But enh.

There was some nutty hermit LIVING at the bottom of these caves! NUTTY!!! He spoke of Heroism.

"A hero must be honourable, intelligent, courageous, and altruistic, seeking to to the galaxy despite the cost."

He gave out a quest for each act: honor, courage, altruism, intellect. But first I had to find a squill skull for this nutter to study.

Bordesc and I fought our way around the caves and found it. While we fought, i tossed my camera and set it to take a few auto photos. i hope they turn out ok. Vuldare finally rejoined us. But as we left, we were attacked by Tuskans. A Tuskan Observer took out both Vuldare and Bordesc! Two shots! The closest suitable cloning facility was at Oasis Village. We then traveled to MosEisley for healing and strong drinks. Bordesc was pissed off. Real pissed off... by the Tuskan. He needed some time to himself after that. I understand.

Hunting & Thinking

I hunted rock beetles outside my shop. It was good trapping practice. They can be tough. When I get worn down by them I get to practice my camping. I know... why bother... the houses are just over the ridge... but I need the practice... and i ... am not really fond of having a house.

The hunting is one of those things that kick into routine and allows my mind to think and mull things over. I was thinking about my discussion about love with Malek. I think I am fairly certain what I want, am comfortable with, and don't want... at least until Blimey is part of the picture....

Hmmm... think of something else...

Professions. I have been exploring the options soon to be open to me. I am more fond of Ranger now that I had met and spoken with Thrakazog. I might go Ranger/Fencer.

Readership

DAMN!!! People actually find my stuff interesting!!! I have a readership!

Bordesc's friends are reading... Hi! ANd some people that have just passed me by on occasion. One of those is Bremm Stone. He and i have crossed paths several times and exchanged polite words... though nothing noteworthy before. This time he asked if I would honour him with a long talk over a campfire. I will consider it. The last time I did this with a stranger... I was left feeling all very uncomfortable.

Emergency Comm

Ghozst tagged me on the comm. This was an emergency. He was defecting... and needed help from someone neatrul and trustworthy. I was both surprised and honoured. Well, not too surprised. I had had some recent dreams of him. I remembered him saying that he was considering renouncing his Imperial status. But I knew that would not be so easy. Blimey was going to be assassinated for it. So I understand the emergency here for Ghozst. He was taking a great risk for his own freedom. I promised to help any way I could. He asked me to guard his belongings. He was going to undergo severe reconstructive surgery, including DNA modification. That is a terribly invasive procedure! He assured me that the man I know will still be there inside. He will lose all the training that his body knew... and need to be retrained.

I wish him all the lock in the Universe...
And my the Force be with him.

I am here if you even need me Ghozst.

This is one ghost I do not mind in my life...

Ghosts and Skeletons of our Past Experiences

When I woke from sleeping in this camp, I was a bit dazed and confused as to where I was. AK! I thought I was on LOK!!! I must have been having a bad dream.

Speaking of Lok...

If you have been reading... You know what happened to me there. If you haven't... Go HERE and scroll down to the August 16th and 17th entries.

I have a hard time going to Lok. I seem to freeze up and shake. Blimey and Eseefa had brought me hunting there after the incident. I was almost useless until we were in the swing of hunting.

Now, Bordesc had asked me to come hunting with him and some of his friends... on Lok. I cannot be stricken like this forever! So, I decided to go face my fears and ghosts of the past... including face being social with another bunch of strangers. When I arrived... i could not stop shaking again. Deep breaths. This is a different galaxy.

I met up with Bordesc in Sentinal City... and Imperial city. Several of his friends are Imerial. Lok makes Tattooine feel like a tropical paradise, by the way. Bordesc buffed me and we were off to meet the resr of his group for hunting. They are a very eclectic group, mix of Rebels, Imperials, and neutrals. I was nervous and quiet. I focused on the hunting. We moved fast and were very busy with the hunts. I eased out of my stress through that familiar act of hunting. It was busy. It was a good hunt! The company was actaully good. i would like to hunt with them again. (Squill Caves on Sunday night, maybe.

All of them read this journal!!! AAAKKK! I have serious (or is that serial) readership! *BLUSH*
OMGs... Oh My GODS!

Spirit Talk

Back on Tattooine, I aimlessly wandered till i was about 3000m from Mos Espa. I was in the mood to camp in isolation and just meditate on things. I sorted through my packs to organize them... and found the old holocron I inherited from one of my benefactors. I could not figure out how to open it or use it. It is a strange cube that glows a little bit. At that moment, though, it was glowing quite brightly and came... alive... in my hands. Well, I am not sure how else to describe it! It hummed and... felt... alive! Then I heard a whisper, like a spirit talking in my head. It was such a familiar voice, but i just could not pinpoint who's. It was a clear voice though.

~~~
Yes, my firecat...
You feel a faint sense of the Force.
~~~

WHAT is that supposed to mean?!?!?!

Then it was all quiet. No more humming, no more glow...
just...
gone...

I was officially wierded out! I stuffed it into the BOTTOM of my pack

Woolly Head

I must have a woolly head full of stupidity. I raomed for a couple hours around Corellia trying to find woolly hides. I found paralope that gave woolly hides, but they are very skittish and tough to find. After several hours... I gave up temporarily in frustration and headed back to Coronet. Then hunted some critters near there for the practice. LOOK AT THAT! Right there, durni... woolly hides. DOH!!!

OK. No More Stalling

When I stopped in Corellia to consider looking for wooly hides, I passes this young Zabrak, Malek, just sitting on the ground petting a very content looking bakaset mount. I looked up his bio. It was interesting, simple, but interesting. He is a member of UF: Unifying Force, which is a Rebel and neutral guild. His bios read:

~~~
I live in a world of sunlight and shadow
Always secretive - never deceptive
Always a killer - never a murderer
Solitary - never alone
~~~

Simple and interesting.

He noticed me and we chatted a bit. However the noise at the starport was unbearable so we went out of town and i set up a camp. We chatted there for a while... at least till someone stood on the rise and watched us suspiciously. I was uncomfortable. So we moved the camp farther out and chatted till morning.

I was not comfortable, but nor was i uncomfortable enough to leave. I think i was more curious than anything. But, I do not think I trust him. We talked about love and touch and what this all mans. i think he had "other" intention in mind, but I didn't budge from my comfort zone on it. I learned alot about what peopl consider love, lust, affection and all to mean to them. And I considered my mixed feeling for Blimey... and wondered. There was an interesting ease about talking with Malek, but not enough to "sit close with him so he could hold me". Do you see what I mean? I don't understand the need for strangers to be so close. He frequently challenged my comfort zone limits. It was a bit frustrating, but I tried to stay polite and distant.

Malek gave me a small ring to remember him by. A token he had taken from a Nightsister Queen.

I still am unsure about how i feel about the long conversation. But I do think i would not like to repeat it. I will be more cautious from now on. Long chats like that can go on in the Cantina. But not in a camp. i think he got the point that i was NOT interested. Whatever. I will go lone-wolf again. That is safe. Socializing is complex and troublesome with confusing boundary issues.

More Stalling

I have discovered I have a readership. Lots of people are reading this journal. ARE YOU ALL BORED?!? This stuff can't be that interesting! I am just babbling about what goes on in my day and in my head.

And if it is so interesting... why does no one comment?

Ok... I stalled again.

I am having real trouble sorting out how the other night went with Malek.

Stalling

I am having troube writing this next post and it is holding up the posts that cme after. When I got waylayed on Corellia by a stranger, we had an interesting, challenging conversation. I learned many things. But I am still unsure how I actually feel about the evening or the guy who chatted with me. Only guys ever waylay me to chat. Never girls. And this one... I am still unsure of what his intentions were dispite his assuring me they were innocent. I will come back to this. I promise.

A Mission!

Ghozst just changed professions. He gave up his warrior ways to feed and cloth the people. WOW. I do not think I am ready for such a drastic change. But for him, I could see it coming. He was getting very tired of fighting and killing. It was weighing very heavy on his soul. I was saddened by this heaviness about him. I hope he is happy with the change, that it brings him fulfillment. He tagged me on the comm and hired me to help hunt up some woolly hides for him. He was speaking on the comm from Lok. It was staticky and broken... just like when i was there. It is a terrible harsh planet. I scouted all over Tattooine, poked into the mission terminals, asked about... but no damned critter with woolly hides. Tattooine has banthas... but they are hard to find.

grumble

I tried on Moenia. Nothing. I decided to try Corellia.... and got waylayed....

Thrakazog

This is a strange name. He was on the list of contacts left to me by my benefactors as someone honourable and trustworthy, though rarely available. He was suddenly on my comm list! Now I had the opportunity to pass on the message of of my benefactors' leaving. He is a wanderer that frequents MosEisley and helps out new people to the planet. What an inspiration. I would like to do that when I get more settled. We met up at my vendor. This human ranger was very kinds, wary but friendly. He is also not comfortable with making commitments to guilds, factions, or living space. In fact he does not have any houses. As a ranger, he said he carries his living space with him. I did not understand at first. Then he led me some distance from my shop. There he set up the most INCREDIBLE camp. It could NOT be called a camp! It was more like a BASE!! HOLY BANTHAS!!! It had a medical facility with many cots, several tables with chairs, a galactic chess table, fully functional crafting stations... DAMN it was huge!!! I was quite in awe of the structure. He seemed like a very sensitive man. He spoke softly and never got close... like he was always dealing with wild paralopes who would bolt in a second. I wouldn't bolt. But, it was nice to see someone with such patience. He coaxed his little pet jax out from hiding. His jax's name is Whiskers. He was so very cute! Animals put me at ease right away. he then called his gurrcat in to sit with us. Beautiful big cat! It was a good meeting. I think I have now met everyone on the old contacts list.

Dantooine

Lone-wolfing it again. Joy... just as I set up camp on Corellia to craft some traps... I get rained on again. it never seems to ever be one of those gentle rain, oh no... I have to get the torrential down-pours! So I am soak, my camp is soaks, my tent collapsed, my supplies are soaked... my traps are soaked.... groan. And everyone's comm is off... grumble.

Fine. I give up! I packed up and drudged miserably into Coronet to get buffed, dried and grab a shuttle to another planet... like Dantooine. Never been there yet.

Pink. It is a pink planet. Well, no it isn't... but is in blamketed in pink flowers. So... it might as well be called a pink planet. I did some research to see what I could learn about this planet before embarking on another POI hunt. All i found is that the original Dantari people are gone and that they left some fascinating villages, standing stones, shrines, roads and land bridges over waterways... but no written records. Now the Janta and the Kunga primitive humanoids live in these places. I traveled to two of the villages. Interesting... but not anything that makes me go WOW....

I stopped in at a POI labeled "Abandoned Rebel base". Well, it was hardly abandonded. There were soldiers and officers milling about. A groups of wounded Imperials were leaving the scene... they must have thought it was abandoned too... hehehe. The base was huge! Larger than any I had seen so far. And it was well fortified and protected, ready for offense and defense. It just wasn't quite as populated as the Imperial bases. Guess that is the difference between volunteer soldiers and conscripted ones. Numbers. I wonder about the willingness of the conscripted Imperial soldiers. Or are they still using illegal clones? I got my exploration badge for being at the base... but none of the officers would speak with me. "go away, we do not have time for you"

Sigh

Ok... then I will go visit another temple. The Jedi Temple Ruins were on the other side of the world. WHAT a LONG LOOOOONNNGGG drive it was to get there. And there was a man there. I got the most unpleasant feeling off of him. I did not trust him, but felt I did not dare fight him or it would be my death. His name is Luthik Uwyr. I think he is a Dark Jedi of some sort. Darkness and corruption consumed him, oozed from his very pores. He tried hard to manipulate me, to anger me to get me to give in to my darker feelings. He wanted me to go kill someone in the temple. DOLT! Zabrak have stonger wills than that! I think i annoyed him greatly by walking away. I am not wasting my time not willing to incurr such bad karma. He practically desacrates this temple with his very presense.

The ruins were exactly that... ruins. They must have been beautiful at one time. The energy here was still remarkable beautiful. Especially if you stand where you can see the fullness of the temple AND waterfalls. Hmmm... The waterfalls ... nah... it was silly. It was as if they whispered to me. Silly. Maybe i have been lone-wolfing too much, I am beginning to lose my mind. Well I did get a few pictures. When I got closer to the falls, the rocks seemed to form a hunched man-like figure. As I got closer to see for sure, I noticed a cave entrance behind the falls, cleverly hidden. I felt like a giddy child! Curious and excited! The caves were lit within as if someone lived there. They were... if felt like the whole cave was alive! It tingles and hummed. the noise of the water mysteriously muffled. I explored further. ZABRAK! There was a Zabrak woman there! I think she ... could she be a Jedi... one of the old ones? She looked so familiar. She was very polite with me, but told me for safety sake, I should not be there until I have chosen sides. One cannot sit on the fence forever. To watch wrongs be done is to agree with them. You must choose to act. Either for or against.... but to stand in the middle will tear you apart... and will have you killed in the crossfire. I was so shocked. The words echoed inside me. They echoed inside me long after I had left the caves...