New Temple... & "How close is too close?"
How intimate too intimate?
The other day, Brem and I... got too close. Our talk too intimate. I think we kinda spooked each other. I touched his arm out of concern. He sat shoulder to shoulder with me as we played dancing Bantha macro in an empty room. We were just having fun... bored in the Large Tattooine house before I moved it. He brought out the Bantha doll and we were just being silly when he sat down shoulder to should with me... and I ... froze ... in an odd sort of panic. I didn't want him to move away though. I trust him and like him. And wanted to me closer to him ... kinda like I want to be closer to Blimey. He realized my nervousness and the fun was over. He paniced. He moved away ashamed with himself for forgeting my discomfort. I came to sit by him ad touched his arm in concern... and to explain... that... I wanted him close... just... that i ... needed a moment to adjust and settle my initial nerves. Things were awkward. We didn't know what to do. He has never know a gentle caress or tender touch. I have loving parents and so remember some. Neither of us have known... touch or anything more between people who care for each other. Things were awkward. We agreed that... if this happens again, we will just take it slow... give each other time, space if we need or closeness ... one small step at a time.
Last night...
We explored the new Temple. He placed an awesome square brazier in it and moved in the boxes of thing I have. I put him on Admin, and Blimey, and Dolch. I put Jakob and Pahoo on entry and then set a one-credit access fee to keep critters out. Brem will help with the payments of the Temple and i gave him a room for his own. We talked about the plans I have for the temple. Later, while exploring, a Tiberian ship flew right over my head and dropped off a squad of Imperial troops. They were actually usefull, chasing away critters and all... but they did make us a bit nervous by their presense. So we went inside.... and out on the roof where the rain rolled in and soaked us. OY! So we sat by the brazier to warm ourselves and dry off. We didn't say much. I think we were awkward. I played with embers that I found on the floor explaining how I am a curious person but afraid to get hurt or burned... touching the embers... but i needed to know, so I would touch them. I think, in retrospect, that is was an unconscious metaphor for wanting to reach out and touch him. We were quiet. We watched each other lots... and... i touched him. Just his hands. We held hands for a long while. I sensed the night and the stars outside and led him shyly by the hand to the roof where we sat under the dark starry sky... just holding hands. Part of me was terrified. Part of me relieved. He reached up and touched my cheek. I almost bolted. Willing myself to stay. It was... ok. He was so... gentle. We gazed much at each other... as we held hands. And it was good. I got bold. I ... dared to trace my fingers along one of his muscled arms... but then my nerves got the better of me. What should I do? I asked him if he had ever been with anyone else... touch anyone else. He hadn't. He was just as afraid as I... and just as unsure of what to do. I think we did enough. Sometimes it is hard for me to be this close to Brem. Blimey is constantly in my thought. And then I wonder... what would my mother do?
The other day, Brem and I... got too close. Our talk too intimate. I think we kinda spooked each other. I touched his arm out of concern. He sat shoulder to shoulder with me as we played dancing Bantha macro in an empty room. We were just having fun... bored in the Large Tattooine house before I moved it. He brought out the Bantha doll and we were just being silly when he sat down shoulder to should with me... and I ... froze ... in an odd sort of panic. I didn't want him to move away though. I trust him and like him. And wanted to me closer to him ... kinda like I want to be closer to Blimey. He realized my nervousness and the fun was over. He paniced. He moved away ashamed with himself for forgeting my discomfort. I came to sit by him ad touched his arm in concern... and to explain... that... I wanted him close... just... that i ... needed a moment to adjust and settle my initial nerves. Things were awkward. We didn't know what to do. He has never know a gentle caress or tender touch. I have loving parents and so remember some. Neither of us have known... touch or anything more between people who care for each other. Things were awkward. We agreed that... if this happens again, we will just take it slow... give each other time, space if we need or closeness ... one small step at a time.
Last night...
We explored the new Temple. He placed an awesome square brazier in it and moved in the boxes of thing I have. I put him on Admin, and Blimey, and Dolch. I put Jakob and Pahoo on entry and then set a one-credit access fee to keep critters out. Brem will help with the payments of the Temple and i gave him a room for his own. We talked about the plans I have for the temple. Later, while exploring, a Tiberian ship flew right over my head and dropped off a squad of Imperial troops. They were actually usefull, chasing away critters and all... but they did make us a bit nervous by their presense. So we went inside.... and out on the roof where the rain rolled in and soaked us. OY! So we sat by the brazier to warm ourselves and dry off. We didn't say much. I think we were awkward. I played with embers that I found on the floor explaining how I am a curious person but afraid to get hurt or burned... touching the embers... but i needed to know, so I would touch them. I think, in retrospect, that is was an unconscious metaphor for wanting to reach out and touch him. We were quiet. We watched each other lots... and... i touched him. Just his hands. We held hands for a long while. I sensed the night and the stars outside and led him shyly by the hand to the roof where we sat under the dark starry sky... just holding hands. Part of me was terrified. Part of me relieved. He reached up and touched my cheek. I almost bolted. Willing myself to stay. It was... ok. He was so... gentle. We gazed much at each other... as we held hands. And it was good. I got bold. I ... dared to trace my fingers along one of his muscled arms... but then my nerves got the better of me. What should I do? I asked him if he had ever been with anyone else... touch anyone else. He hadn't. He was just as afraid as I... and just as unsure of what to do. I think we did enough. Sometimes it is hard for me to be this close to Brem. Blimey is constantly in my thought. And then I wonder... what would my mother do?
posted by scarletcougar at 10:39 PM
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