Unanswered Question

Last night... I am not exactly sure what troubles me. When we, Max and I, arrived at the temple... I went from room to room to ensure all was well. Someone (Ebe?) had left a crate of flowers and a dantooine cammo kit in the ritual space. Unsure of the reason, I made a pack in the store room for here and moved them into it.

My mind was still mulling over Max's earlier question.

I noted the wonderful job that Elca and Brem have done with the temple. The burnt candles were disposed of, the place was tiry and welcoming, the kittens were played with and purring. The burnt out candle on Kimbrya's shrine was replaced. I am so proud of them. *beaming smile*

Max then went to kneel in Fyrshka's shrine. He was still suffering mildly from the disease he caught from the voritor. He didn't want me too close so as not to risk the baby. I came to sit in the room with him. I sat under the big flower of Alderaan... and watch him. I felt uncomfortable... a tension threatening to cause me a twinge.... I had done perhaps too much running around. So I sat. Peace slowing coming to me as the whisperings of the temple soothed me... and my pending cramp. *easy girl... we are done for the day... I am sitting*

He then asked me again... "Are you happy? What will make you happy, Scar'let?" Was it that obvious? Am I happy? I am not miserable... but... happy? Deomo had asked the same thing. I... I ... I just don't know. What IS happy? Have I ever been happy? I think I was happy when Brem and I played like children on the new carpet with the dancing Bantha he had made. Happy. Deomo is happy. When I told him he was to be a father... his eyes grew wide, a huge smile crept in to dimple his cheeks and his whole face lit up. He glowed with joy as it seemed to overflow. I... want to see Max like that. I ... want to feel like that. Max's heart has been so heavy of late... and thus so has mine. Naw Max has come to terms with all this... a peace of sorts. As have I. But am I happy? I was still mulling it over... thinking on how to answer Max... when Ebe arrived at the temple.

Ebe was unsure about coming in, not wanting to disrupt our privacy. Doesn't matter. I was glad for the interruption. I never want her to feel unwelcome, for any reason. She ... as it turns out, was not really upset with Max or anyone... just frustrated with where her path in life was going. She walked from the Empire, resigned her duty. Now she is trying to figure out who she is and where she wants to go with her life. We talked. I sat. I had to... or I would have twinges. I asked her if she was still up for being my midwife as she had asked Max about. *smile* She was. She had left the flowers for me and a congradulations on the conception. I grew tired very quickly though. ANd she was already tired herself from hunting. So Max set up one of the rooms downstairs for her with the starscape he had over the bed... to give Ebe the sence of being beneath the stars. I curled up in our own tiny bed and waited fro him to curl up with me. *twinge* Dammit. *breathe* *breathe* *easy* The twinge eased. Max curled up with me and placed a hand warmly over my belly. This soothed it immensely. And I slept with ease.