A troubling day...

I woke in the early afternoon... Aching slightly. I did not sleep well.
I was bundled in my cloak... and Max was... gone... *?!*

My thoughts were still heavy. And I could feel max was still upset. And why not... the news I delivered... crushed him. I am commited to Max in so many ways... and yet carry the child of another within me.

.....

I need to get some air. I was feeling claustraphobic...

I wandered Hendola. I was bored. I needed a distraction from these troubling thoguhts of the night before.

I wish I was happy about all this. I have made one man I care about so very happy and the other so very very miserable. I feel like bantha poodoo.

I drove out towars Karen City. Giant Peko Peko!! Nests and nests of them! I have never seen any before. Wow! I so wanted to hunt... or just sneak in for a feather, That would be an awesome addition for the Air wall of the temple! But... no... no hunting. I dare not risk it. I dare not risk losing her.

I sat and watched them for a bit. They are magnificent! Multiple tails... brilliantly coloured plumage. Max grew concerned and asked me to keep my distance. *don't spoil my fun... I was only watching* *sigh* I moved on... out into the marshes... wow... It was... so... beautiful. Why oh why did I not see this when I was planning to put up a temple? This is a perfet place! 1000m from Karen and 1000m from Hendola. Lakes. Grass. Trees. Hills. Marsh. Beautiful. Peaceful. I set up a small camp and sat there a while... just enjoying it. *small smile* This was like my gurring it so long ago.

And yet. I was alone. I felt so ... alone. My heart sank. I can feel it. Max... distant, hurting in a way I can never heal. *choking up* Just as my tears filled my eyes... a transport ship dropped 3 squads of black clad stormtroopers each squad with some giant trooper on steroids. *nervous* I quietly packed my camp, marked the wp in my DP (DataPad) and crept away through the brush.

I quietly walked my swoop to a fair distance, climbed on and sped away... to Karen. I heard there were races there. So I located the race director and looked at the record holder... just to see if I recognized the name. Then headed back out to a little spot I so wanted to share with Maxell. A gazebo... out into the water of one of the plateaus.

My heart still felt heavy. And I knelt to try to meditate. *worry* I haven't felt the energy of my child all day...