Hmmm... Happy...

I woke this morning with mild nasea and light cramping. Welcome to the joys of pregnancy! I walked to the Orange Meditation Room and meditated there early this morning. The whispers of the temple constant in the back of my mind. It... is comforting to know it is there. Peace began to fill me. I called up the gurrcat that Max gave me. Koownye. She is here to remind me that Max loves me and is always with me... that I am never alone.

I thought about how despite the horrors of the Galactic Cilvil War, I am going to give birth to a daughter... and how much Deomo's heart glows with joy over this... his daughter. *smile* I thought how I fought and... showed leadership... and secured both Max's freedon and safety for the temple. And how lovely the blessing ritual went, how so many folks turned out for it and how they hope to see more happening here. I thought... wow... I have an accolyte. I thought... I remembered all the wonderful times I shared with Brem in the temple... how grateful I am for him to have been there with me from the beginning of setting up this temple. How we sat laughing and rolling on the new carpets while we played with the dancing bantha doll he made.

I thought how much love fills the heart and soul with the bonds of taishan. Brem still glows from it, even thought he is sad that his taishan has passed from the worlds. Her spirit will always be part of him. And I... I have two taishan. And they both love me. And I love them. I ... am very lucky.

In an ideal galaxy, I would love to be able to commit myself equally to both. But I cannot. Deomo... I give him a daughter. And already I can feel his focus there... on her... much more than on me. He has loved me... but the love he has for this tiny life growing inside me... greatly outweighs his love for me. And my heart... really wishes to commit to Max.

So... am I happy? *peaceful, content smile* Yes. I think I am.

I need to mark some sad things that have happened in our lives. But... I would like, I think, to also mark some happy ones.

I wonder... would Max... I mean... it is only a ritual with legal paperwork... but would he? *shy*
I... will ask him I think... when he gets back.

For now... I walked around the temple cleaning up the stray burne out candles. And looking at my agenda and To Do list.