Suffering for stupidity

Well... that hurt. *sigh* The feral called out on the Tai'shan bond so strong I could not resist it and in the heat of our passions, so sson after the surgery, I incurred some damage. Not alot... but it was painful. Abdominal muscletension, working out the areas around the uterous... and the lusting (I can't call it anything else... it was lusting)... strained the internal stitching. The external stitching heals faster than the internal stitching. I was receiving cervical stims for the pain and swelling. Thankfully, no real bad damage. There will be some bleeding but nothing to worry about. I was too active too soon. Dr. Narheen recommends low-impact exercises. If I get out and about, nothing "strenuous".

Gods... she cussed and cursed about the taishan bonding like it is the worst thing that could happen to a Zabrak. I think Max is one of the few truly wonderful things that has happened to me in my life. Deomo and Meela are another. What we share via the taishan... can hardly be explained. But I would not give it up.

I did some exercises and meditation. I talked alot to Meela. Sometimes she is all calm, sometimes she is all stressed and upset and fussy. We are finding out that some foods she already does not like. I was right on the eggs. Only the benefit is I do not have to be sick for it. *smirk* I wrap my energy around her and keep her close. I have been trying to sing some of the songs I remember hearing as a child. But none seem to really make her happy. Humming to her the tune Deomo hummed... *smile* that works, but not as well as when he hums it. She is really daddy's little girl.

What will I do? What can I do?

Max has been fretting and brooding. He is turmoil inside... but ... No motter how often I tell him it is ok... it doesn't seem to be. He is just eating himself up. I am thinking... I would like to have him meditate with me one evening. Maybe a different kind of union will be helpful. There are so many things I was to say to him. And while I know he can feel them... the claruty... it is like there are blocks between us. I thought physical union removed those blocks. what are we missing? Something in the communication is missing. Is it me?

Max...
*If I could I'd tell you,
I would tell you how I feel ,
when I'm close to you
At times I'd wish that my heart could tell you
how Much I love you,
but my heart speaks in whispers...
If my heart could speak
you'd know
That I love you so
and I'll never let you go
If you can feel what I felt just now, kiss me
To prove that your love for me is true
Two hearts that beat as one,
send signals To each other in whispers
I would tell you how I felt,
if i could find the words
To describe the way I feel when you are near
Whenever you are by my side
What I feel inside is deep
and I just don't know What to say
because my words get in the way
Everytime I try to say (I love you) what I feel ... Deep inside (I love you)*
{lyrics from song Whisper by Usher}