Oy... Sick...
Maxell and I took a space jaunt to just get some ... space... from the temple last night. We talked and slept in my very empty ship. One day... I will have to change that.
I woke early this morning. And quickly made my way to the waste room. There is nothing remotely left in me to get rid of. I lay curled on the cool floor of it for hours. I did not want Max to wake. I can deal. This is... normal. Ugh...
When the worst had passed, I sat back up in the private room and looked out at the stars occassionally. I say occassionally because I spent most of my time looking and the sleeping form of a man I love so very dearly, the tai'shan to whom I am bound. He was stretched out with one arm behind his head for support. His now grey-streaked hair sticking up a bit in the front from him sleeping face-down in his folded arms for a portion of the night. I reached over and slowly ran my fingers through his hair. He stirrs and rolld over to curl close to me... murmuring in his sleep... slightly troubled.
I though about our talk before we fell asleep. It was on three subjects that have weighed heavily on me... and still do.
We discussed the pendant and its spirit... and how it is effecting Deomo and us. We also discussed a bit about what it may mean and what our options were. I realize that Max and I ... and Deomo... have had a rough time of things and Max and I NEED to take some time away to rebalance ... or I, we, will not be able to help Deomo. But with everything going on... how can we manage this? Can I dare to? I spent an evening with Deomo, where we lounged on a beach and I learned a bit of formal dancing. But that was not really much. Can I dare to take a couple days?
Maxell and I had also talked about the issues of hatred and vengence between him and Deomo... and how I am caught in the middle. I am not sure if I am reading either of them correctly. Sometimes I think they are at a truce and then sometimes I feel they want the other dead in the most horrible way. Even if they say they do not hate each other. Dammit. I need a truce. Especially with a child coming.
The child. That is another hard issue. It, she, could be Max's or could be Deomo's. Max had told me his first encounter with the energy of it and how he had scared it. I mentioned in an earlier entry how now he rubs my belly *smile* and that it is soothing. I do not think he would scare her again. But he does not want to reach out to the energy of her... too afraid to scare her again. Too afraid to get attached too, in case she id Deomo's. He wonders what his place will be when she is born... if she is Deomo's. And what will happen to me and Deomo if she is his. It is really bothering him. We talked through various situations and what we might do in them. I do not think we had any real solutions. A bridge we will cross when we find out whose she is. This is more of a pain and anxiety ridden feeling that the bonds itself.
Great. Excuse me... sick ... again.
*drops datapad to rush below deck ... again*
*returns to snuggle for more sleep with Maxell*
I woke early this morning. And quickly made my way to the waste room. There is nothing remotely left in me to get rid of. I lay curled on the cool floor of it for hours. I did not want Max to wake. I can deal. This is... normal. Ugh...
When the worst had passed, I sat back up in the private room and looked out at the stars occassionally. I say occassionally because I spent most of my time looking and the sleeping form of a man I love so very dearly, the tai'shan to whom I am bound. He was stretched out with one arm behind his head for support. His now grey-streaked hair sticking up a bit in the front from him sleeping face-down in his folded arms for a portion of the night. I reached over and slowly ran my fingers through his hair. He stirrs and rolld over to curl close to me... murmuring in his sleep... slightly troubled.
I though about our talk before we fell asleep. It was on three subjects that have weighed heavily on me... and still do.
We discussed the pendant and its spirit... and how it is effecting Deomo and us. We also discussed a bit about what it may mean and what our options were. I realize that Max and I ... and Deomo... have had a rough time of things and Max and I NEED to take some time away to rebalance ... or I, we, will not be able to help Deomo. But with everything going on... how can we manage this? Can I dare to? I spent an evening with Deomo, where we lounged on a beach and I learned a bit of formal dancing. But that was not really much. Can I dare to take a couple days?
Maxell and I had also talked about the issues of hatred and vengence between him and Deomo... and how I am caught in the middle. I am not sure if I am reading either of them correctly. Sometimes I think they are at a truce and then sometimes I feel they want the other dead in the most horrible way. Even if they say they do not hate each other. Dammit. I need a truce. Especially with a child coming.
The child. That is another hard issue. It, she, could be Max's or could be Deomo's. Max had told me his first encounter with the energy of it and how he had scared it. I mentioned in an earlier entry how now he rubs my belly *smile* and that it is soothing. I do not think he would scare her again. But he does not want to reach out to the energy of her... too afraid to scare her again. Too afraid to get attached too, in case she id Deomo's. He wonders what his place will be when she is born... if she is Deomo's. And what will happen to me and Deomo if she is his. It is really bothering him. We talked through various situations and what we might do in them. I do not think we had any real solutions. A bridge we will cross when we find out whose she is. This is more of a pain and anxiety ridden feeling that the bonds itself.
Great. Excuse me... sick ... again.
*drops datapad to rush below deck ... again*
*returns to snuggle for more sleep with Maxell*
posted by scarletcougar at 7:54 AM
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