Drifting and wandering thoughts
Max... Deomo...
This is a situation that is hard on all of us. No one understands it. ANd I can feel the press of persecution. Deomo gets it from his guild. Max gets it from the friends he has. I... I get it in subtle ways from Max and from direct ways from Deomo.
Why am I taishan to both? What is the purpose? Is there a purpose?
When I first met Blimey, I was wary... and slowly learned to trust him. He was open with his views and his thoughts. Patient and cautious. Gentle. Strong. I was drawn by all this. I wanted over time to be closer to him. My affection for him grew. Then he was just... not there. It hurt. I missed him.
While I waited to meet Blimey, another doctor befriended me. He was careful and always understood my dislike for touch and closeness. I felt we were good friends. I cared for him. But never felt any desire to be more. He misunderstood. Now we hardly speak... and when we do, it seems awkward. I miss hunting with him.
Brem. Brem is very dear to me. *smile* He found me shying away from the cantina crowd while i tried to curiouslt watch and listen. He came over and danced for me... all night. Danced and talked. He was similarly shy about touch and trust. And we were like kindred spirit. Been hurt in different ways and needed to grow and heal together. We did. I try to always see the good in others... and try to draw it out. And he has such a good heart. He is young and his innocence was refershing and playful and reminded me to relax and explore. We grew very close and trusting. And like kids learning about trust and touch... we explored. But then he was pulled by a taishan bond to Kimbrya. I thought I lost him. But I know I haven't. He is still in my senses and my thoughts. And I know she is ill and will not be with us long. He will need to know that I am still here for him. His friend. A becon of light to guide his way should he ever feel lost or alone. I have not seen him in a long time. I know he is training hard with his guild and studying the ways of the Force. Brem... remember... dancing, humming, rolling on the carpet, playing with the dancing bantha. Remember me.... remember us. I have been so swept up in the chaos of events. I know I have not been around. You have been such a good friend. I hope things settle down soon. I hope we can sit on the carpet again and talk... race our lizards around the roof, too... like we used to.
Maxell. My love. Mo Gradhe... mo ionuin... my beloved. When we first met i hardly looked at you when you interrogated me in my temple. Your subtle manipulations challanging my views and thoughts and convictions. I never expected this... to be bound to you by taishan. You are human. Yet, like a Zabrak more than most Zabrak I have met. Your devotion to me is astounding. Your love and endurance saintly. I do not deserve you. I do not understand why you and Ebe left each other. I am more trouble that ever you should have to deal with.
Deomo... I was almost Deomo's. We crossed paths in the Theed starport square. I was drawn to him... to his feral while I was feral. He has always ben the horror of nightmares... yet... somewhere along the way I took a risk. I took a risk and the strength of the otherworldly divine helped me reach into him and see... see... that there is good in him. Buried deep and and smothered in Imperial orders and feral nurturing. Somewhere along the way a second impossible taishan bond was formed. How could I explain? How could anyone understand? How could I help him to struggle against all he has grown up knowing. He needs to remember. The love of a father. His father. The father that accpeted death for not wanting to kill the son he loved. Will Deomo remember this? Is this the purpose of theis bond? How can I make him see? And a dark spirit has laid a curse on his pendant... and want to possess Deomo to such darkness. It is a battle against time. I have come to love and care about the gentle man I discovered beneath the cruel exterior.
And so now I am faced with such confusion and discrimiation. I am loved by two men...bound to me by taishan. Do they love me? Or is it the taishan bond that make them love me? Such bonds muddle the mind. What is real?
What is real?
What is real... is I am pregnant. And I have been intimate with both Deomo and Maxell. Either could be the father. The repercussions are already hitting the grand web of the Force. And what I initially felt was such love and joy... and now... now...
*cry*
This is a situation that is hard on all of us. No one understands it. ANd I can feel the press of persecution. Deomo gets it from his guild. Max gets it from the friends he has. I... I get it in subtle ways from Max and from direct ways from Deomo.
Why am I taishan to both? What is the purpose? Is there a purpose?
When I first met Blimey, I was wary... and slowly learned to trust him. He was open with his views and his thoughts. Patient and cautious. Gentle. Strong. I was drawn by all this. I wanted over time to be closer to him. My affection for him grew. Then he was just... not there. It hurt. I missed him.
While I waited to meet Blimey, another doctor befriended me. He was careful and always understood my dislike for touch and closeness. I felt we were good friends. I cared for him. But never felt any desire to be more. He misunderstood. Now we hardly speak... and when we do, it seems awkward. I miss hunting with him.
Brem. Brem is very dear to me. *smile* He found me shying away from the cantina crowd while i tried to curiouslt watch and listen. He came over and danced for me... all night. Danced and talked. He was similarly shy about touch and trust. And we were like kindred spirit. Been hurt in different ways and needed to grow and heal together. We did. I try to always see the good in others... and try to draw it out. And he has such a good heart. He is young and his innocence was refershing and playful and reminded me to relax and explore. We grew very close and trusting. And like kids learning about trust and touch... we explored. But then he was pulled by a taishan bond to Kimbrya. I thought I lost him. But I know I haven't. He is still in my senses and my thoughts. And I know she is ill and will not be with us long. He will need to know that I am still here for him. His friend. A becon of light to guide his way should he ever feel lost or alone. I have not seen him in a long time. I know he is training hard with his guild and studying the ways of the Force. Brem... remember... dancing, humming, rolling on the carpet, playing with the dancing bantha. Remember me.... remember us. I have been so swept up in the chaos of events. I know I have not been around. You have been such a good friend. I hope things settle down soon. I hope we can sit on the carpet again and talk... race our lizards around the roof, too... like we used to.
Maxell. My love. Mo Gradhe... mo ionuin... my beloved. When we first met i hardly looked at you when you interrogated me in my temple. Your subtle manipulations challanging my views and thoughts and convictions. I never expected this... to be bound to you by taishan. You are human. Yet, like a Zabrak more than most Zabrak I have met. Your devotion to me is astounding. Your love and endurance saintly. I do not deserve you. I do not understand why you and Ebe left each other. I am more trouble that ever you should have to deal with.
Deomo... I was almost Deomo's. We crossed paths in the Theed starport square. I was drawn to him... to his feral while I was feral. He has always ben the horror of nightmares... yet... somewhere along the way I took a risk. I took a risk and the strength of the otherworldly divine helped me reach into him and see... see... that there is good in him. Buried deep and and smothered in Imperial orders and feral nurturing. Somewhere along the way a second impossible taishan bond was formed. How could I explain? How could anyone understand? How could I help him to struggle against all he has grown up knowing. He needs to remember. The love of a father. His father. The father that accpeted death for not wanting to kill the son he loved. Will Deomo remember this? Is this the purpose of theis bond? How can I make him see? And a dark spirit has laid a curse on his pendant... and want to possess Deomo to such darkness. It is a battle against time. I have come to love and care about the gentle man I discovered beneath the cruel exterior.
And so now I am faced with such confusion and discrimiation. I am loved by two men...bound to me by taishan. Do they love me? Or is it the taishan bond that make them love me? Such bonds muddle the mind. What is real?
What is real?
What is real... is I am pregnant. And I have been intimate with both Deomo and Maxell. Either could be the father. The repercussions are already hitting the grand web of the Force. And what I initially felt was such love and joy... and now... now...
*cry*
posted by scarletcougar at 2:20 PM
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