Holy crap what a DAY!

I slept from like noon till 6pm yesterday. Now my internal time-keeper is way way off. I had hoped to wake feeling well and rested. I felt disoriented. So I ate some food and wandering Max's house for a bit, dropping off two of his empty pack in the side room.

I then started doing some research on rituals and rites of union. Just skimming what is out there abd well known. I was also looking up Jedi regulations for Elca... nothing yet. The migraine grew steadily. *grumble* And with it the nausea returned. Kark. Yesterday was not going well.

I met Brem and Maxell in Theed, outside the cantina. I could not bring myself to go in. The press of people. The noise... oh gods the noise. Brem and Maxell came out. Brem looked good... *snickers* and changed clothing accessories (for the third time in 20min according to Maxell). Max had something to take care of and parted, leaving Brem and I alone to get caught up. We went to the Library balcony. I had to walk to avoid puking.

We met someone inside. A fellow I had seen and listened to the music of in the cantine. He is a very shy musician named Dexo. We exchanged words and contact information. Dexo is just starting out in the world. *smile* How exciting. I invited him out to the temple. it would be nice to hear music echo in its hallways. I needed to sit soon though and bare him a good evening.

Brem and I sat for several hours on the balcony. We talked about Kimbrya. He had been holding up and appearing "many" and "strong" but I could sense his heart bursting. I wrapped my arms about him and instantly his tear flooded his cheeks. He wept for some time. And then he began to heal... and remember the good things she had done and her last wishes for him... his final challenge: to LIVE and live well... for her.

*nausea* Dammit... why won't this pass... *grumble*

I then asked Brem to watch over the temple and Elca while I take some time with Maxell to readjust. Brem asked me about the baby. When I will know whose it is, if I knew whose it is. If it was really safe hunting at this stage of the pregnancy. I feel she is a she...the energy just feels... female. But I do not know whose she is. The regular test are usually done at 9 weeks into the pregnancy. If I find a good geneticist, I may be able to do earlier tests this weekend. I am afraid to know. Part of me wishes it didn't matter. And part of me has mulled around the idea of aborting. No child means less emotional turmoil and complications with everyone else. the timing is very bad with Deomo's pendant and all. But... *sigh* I just don't know. Now that I have had a week of knowing this and have sensed her myself... curious and strong... I can't do it. I just can't abort.

The pendant made a try for Deomo again and I stood fast to go help him... The balcony spun and the nausea rose. I must have paled and turned green for Brem made me lie down immediatle and was deeply concerned. I lay there with my head in Brem's lap as we talked and he tried to lighten the mood to help ease my nausea. I could not help Deomo. I worried on it. Then he was ok... he forced in his control. *PROUD*

Maxell came out to meet us on the balcony. His presense was reassuring. He was practically bouncing with glee. *???* And Deomo was hunting with such joy... *???* Max then said he was just out talking with Deomo *panic* And he smiled and watched me. Deomo was trying out some new deadly nightsister lances. Max? Deomo? *shock* They talked and... *shock* came to an understanding... *shock* and shook on an agreement of peace! *SHOCK* I thought I was delerious or fell through a black hole... or maybe i was actually unconscious and dreaming or something. Did I hear that right?! I asked Deomo... he concurred. *shock* They both seemed well pleased with themselves. Max had given Deomo the Nightsister lances to help Deomo protect me when we hunt togther. *shock* Maxell was giddy. It was making us all giddy.

I feel a bit ... shell shocked! *smile* Wow... *relief*

At the temple, after I had a bit to eat and my tummy felt normal again, Max and I raced. *laughs* I raced him from the Library of Theed, Naboo, all the way to our temple on Dantooine. I was sure he would beat me to hist ship and his ship if faster than mine. But I arrived on Dantooine before him. Then I flew on my swoop and crashed into a building. He swept up behind me on the ground and tickled me merceilessly then bolted off. I lept onto my swoop and sped direct. I could see him on my radar... way way behind me. Then he was lost from my radar. As I pulled up on the temple and ran inside... there he was!!! How the hell?!? *laughs* I think he cheated somehow... I just can't yet figure out how. Now I was much exhausted.

We hunted about the temple and found the very moving shrine that Brem erected for Kimbrya. The words carved upon the table were from his heart. Max and I just sat there in silence for a bit. Then I sent Brem a note. Her shrine belongs in her room, the one they shared. She only slept in this room once. I took a quick look into his room and found the yellow crystal I had given Kimbrya when I first met her. It now radiates with her energy. It was sitting on a pillow of Brem's bed.

I had had a rough day and so curled to try to sleep more. Maxell came into our room and saw that I was nestled into bed. I reached over to pet the kittens, Anya and Kitahn, named after the twin daughters I lost. I closed my eyes and placed my hand on my own belly... to caress the daughter I will have. Maxell smiled and said he would be in shortly. He went to meditate in Fyrshka's shrine. I was soon asleep.

I woke early again... um... 5AM... I never felt Maxell come to bed and gather me into his arms. *smile* But now I am awake... ugh... and ill. Of course. But it isnot as bad as yesterday. It passed in a couple hours. I Curled back up to him and watched him while I lay there. Noting his eyebrows, the grey in his hair, the soft roundness of his face, the shadow of a face needing a shave. *smile* I ran my fingers through his hair. He did not wake. *smile* I think I will lie here and do this for a while...