Two Men

There they stood. I between them. It was so wierd. So strange.

Brem.
The man I love, care for. Trust. The one whose arms have been around me. The one on whose shoulder I can lay my head. The one I can go to when the whole world crashes down. The one who knows my dreams and goals, as well as my fears. The one who sat at length with me in camps in the desert or the lakes of Corellia. The one who has shared stories of our lives together. he is now Tai'shan with Kimbrya. But loves me still.

Maxell.
The man who has interrogated me in my own temple. The one who sheltered me when deth nearly caught me in Theed. The one who in that moment of crisis connected so suddenly with me, saw through all my barriers, touched me to the core. Without really knowing me, he knows my dreams and me deepest fears, has seen my strengths... and my fragility. We are inexplicably bound by Tai'shan yet hardly know each other. I fear this. I want this. It is dizzying.

I asked Brem through the Force what Tai'shan was like for him and Kim. He said it was a knowing, a trusting, intoxicating and sweet, bliss and ecstasy, love... stronger that the strongest Muon. He could not want for more. She satisfies his every need. Nothing could take her place. They have spent time together... I wanted this with Max. But ... his essense of spirit in me was ... is ... such a surprise, unbidden and yes, intoxicating, full of the hints of Feral desire. I fear it. I want it.

Then a darkness crept over me.... Deomo... Sith.... He fears whatever i had done to him so badly he wished to throw himself to the Sith to rid himself of the internal conflict. I reeled! I screamed! I ran! Bit there was no where to run to. I was consumed by this feral need, to run to stop him. I could feel Max there. His wavering strength. I couldn't even reach for it.

Then I stood. Sensing the Darkness nearer... Brem. NO! No....

I was lost in a maelstorm as something came over me... as it had on Endor. I approached Brem. Holding his warm crystal, the one he gave me. I gave it to him and gently touched his cheek with my hand. I bid him to always remember. At the same time, my spirit was stretching across the stars bidding Deomo to also remember... remember a gentle touch in the lush green woods of Endor.

The strain. It was so sudden I had no time to react to Max trying to lend me energy. Nor to Brem trying to lend me energy. I swayed, chilled, suffocated... I collapsed. As one, they kneeled before me. Their concern equal. I think they recognized that. That they are equal. That they both love me. I thought I was going to die at that moment. Endor was not so much strain as this. Why must the Other do this to me!?! Why now!?! I was a child last it did this so strongly....

Brem carried me to a bed while Max raced through the stars to Coronet. They took me to the med centre. There, Kimbrya's doctor met me and took me to Theed. To his private labs. I was so sure I was going to die. I didn't want to though. I wanted to ... to... Max.... I wanted to be with Max.