A No go...
Thursday night. Dec. 30. We were supposed to do Brem's Emotional-Spiritual challenge. Unfortunately, Kimbrya was not well. And the timing of everyone was just not matching up.
I feel so awkward having to be one who is going through the rites... and one who has to lead them. Along with all the other challenges I have in my life... tai'shan bond with Maxell, tai'shan bond of a sort with Deomo, stressing about Kimbrya's health for both the knowledge she holds and for the fact that she is Brem's tai'shan, Brem who worries so much about Kimbrya but seems so strong for her... this Temple and the calling to be a priestess.
So Brem's challenge was a no go... this evening.
The whispering in the temple is so silent. I feel like I have gone deaf. Maxell says it is so I can get a handle of myself.
Will I be able to do the role I am called to do? Will I be able to be the priestess I had vowed to be? I have so many concerns. I feel like I have ruined so many lives... instead of helped them. That may only be my perception.
I am especially worried about Deomo's challenge to come. I will have to use gifts I have not ever used consciously. Kimbrya has been instructing me... but ... I... doubt myself. I know I must do this... for Deomo... but can I follow through? Will I have the strength? I am the only one he trusts....
I wish my rites were over now so I did not have the last one weighing on me. Kimbrya has much to teach me of the role of clergy... what their role was in the temple. Hmmm... I should go chesk out the old temple again sometime.
I feel so awkward having to be one who is going through the rites... and one who has to lead them. Along with all the other challenges I have in my life... tai'shan bond with Maxell, tai'shan bond of a sort with Deomo, stressing about Kimbrya's health for both the knowledge she holds and for the fact that she is Brem's tai'shan, Brem who worries so much about Kimbrya but seems so strong for her... this Temple and the calling to be a priestess.
So Brem's challenge was a no go... this evening.
The whispering in the temple is so silent. I feel like I have gone deaf. Maxell says it is so I can get a handle of myself.
Will I be able to do the role I am called to do? Will I be able to be the priestess I had vowed to be? I have so many concerns. I feel like I have ruined so many lives... instead of helped them. That may only be my perception.
I am especially worried about Deomo's challenge to come. I will have to use gifts I have not ever used consciously. Kimbrya has been instructing me... but ... I... doubt myself. I know I must do this... for Deomo... but can I follow through? Will I have the strength? I am the only one he trusts....
I wish my rites were over now so I did not have the last one weighing on me. Kimbrya has much to teach me of the role of clergy... what their role was in the temple. Hmmm... I should go chesk out the old temple again sometime.
posted by scarletcougar at 6:56 PM
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