First Ordeal: Dec. 28,xxx4
I woke... groggy... disoriented... awareness coming slowly. Where was I? The ground was hot... dry... face down on a chamber floor.... My armor was gone. My necklace and bracelets. My boots. Something familiar... nightmarish was about this place. Someone took a knife... I heard it come out of the sheath.
He cut my shirt from me! I was too disoriented to react. Then cut my skirt from me! And tore the rest of my underthings off! I tried to struggle, but the drug interfered with my coordiantion. Roughly and tightly he bound me wrists and ankles in a four-point restraint. The familiarity hit as the scent of kimogilas and Lok filled my nostrils. LOK. Oh gods. Tied down. Naked. My breath came short. I tried to reorient myself. This had to be a nightmare inderthe drug!!
Max was the only person in the room. And he... was... so... not like himself at all. It HAD to be a nightmare... not reality!!! The emmories of my recapture clawing their way back from the depths I had buried them in. NOOOOO!!!!!
I spiraled. Lost in the memory...
~~~
Maloraan nodded to the bounty hunters. Scar’let was grabbed roughly. They strapped her to a hide tanning frame Face down on the ground in a four-point restraint. Maloraan took a kimogila whip from one of the campers and layed into Scar’let a few stokes to keep her from focusing her willpower. He would see her broken this time, more so than when he dealt with her twin daughters. The whip stung and gouged her across her bare flesh as the camp men lined up to each have a turn. One by one, they thrust themselves into her till each sated his deprived sexual needs. If she struggled, the whip tore into her. If she cried out, the man on her stuck her, perhaps breaking something. It didn’t matter. After 20 men, she lost count… and the line of men was still long. Her blood flowed freely. She could no longer summon the will to struggle, nor cry. In her spirit she pleaded to the gods… and the day wore on to night. They left her strapped to the frame overnight, blood and semen streaking her broken body.
~~~
I spiraled.
MAX?! Why!!!??? I tried to forget the memories. But Max pushed them to the surface. Called them up. His words were their words! Harsh. Cruel. I was shaking... I could hardly breathe. He grabbed me by the hair roughly and called me an animal . *betrayal?* I couldn't breathe. My mind spun. Like a caged animal... an... animal.... He pressed ... his naked flesh against me. He just kept talking, calling up more and more memories. I was on the edge of panick the feral waiting for me to lose control. Yet another demon.... Was Aico right? *shock* Was he? Was Max... using me? I struggled for leverage to get a better breath... to scream out at him. He... shoved me hard to the ground... And... mounted me from behind... like an animal. like he the dominant and i... not, chained to the floor. I could feel him tense, hard, pressed against me. *panic* Then he would walk away... to the next room. Alone. I was alone with my panic. What was he going to do? I went hot and then broke into a cold sweat. He returned to torment me more. To mount me again. I was so frozen. My body, my mind, my spirit. How could he do this to me!?! I... I tried to reach along our bond... but... fear... his brutal touch... his body against mine, threatening to thrust himself into me... I dared not touch that bond! I dared not reach to this... not Max... not like this! I reached instead for another. Summoned the Feral and called to the Feral... called to Deomo. But... I ran into a wall! Tai'shan Force wall. I raged against it. NOOO!!!!!!! NO!!!! **my mind SCREAMED!!**
I recoiled. I pulled inward. I could not fight physically. I turned inward, shutting the world out. Shutting everything out and everyone. Watched with pleasure as our taishan bond frayed. Then I let the Feral do as it willed. What did it matter. *betrayed* I was cold... so cold. My focus narrowed. I wanted to die. *Tai'shan?* *betrayal* Memories, nightmares plagued my thoughts with the reality of the experience of now. Memories of Man after man thrusting thems in me.The smell and taste of blood. I could smell blood now. Everything norrowed till it went black. Gone. Lost. Swallowed by the darkness. I felt so... so... alone. *animal*
*trust*
HA! GRRrrrrrr!
Something snapped. Animal, eh?! Treat me like an animal, willyou? You want to see an amimal?! FINE! *snarl* Animal. I summoned it. I opened to it. I was... Feral. I gave myself to it... its strength, my strength. I fought. I fough with all my strength against my bonds. I writhed and twisted. Trying to free my hands. Twisted till my writsts bled, making the ropes about them slipper with my blood. But they were still too tight and I could not get free. I raged! He mounted me again, and pushed the limits of that rage. I fought to kick him off. I wanted Maxell dead. I wanted to kill him myself... for what he was doing to me. Why doesn't he just get it over with? Why doesn't he just thrust himself into me!? He comes to the edge of doing so. hen walks away for me to rage some more! GET IT OVER WITH!!! *GROWL* Blood... Mine... His. I could smell it. I wanted to rend maxell with every fiber of my being. I prepared to roll ball of burning fire along that fraying bond we shared. I opened up to that bond and prepared to unleash a projection of the emotions, feelings, sensation, memories... everything I knew... at him along that bond.
*trust... ta'shan please...*
He looked into the eyes of a wild animal intent on killing him.
*trust... ta'shan please... come back... feel this bond... please.... I still love you... no harm has come to you... my love... please... realize the truth... come back... please...*
A single tear fell from maxell's cheek to hit my shoulder as his pleading words reached desperately almg that bond... and shocked me. His pain, his love, his anguish... I felt it right through my feral rage. I... felt it... and it tore my heart apart with the feeling of such loss. His fear that I will be lost to the Feral forever... that he has lost his tai'shan... It was then I realized... I summoned the feral on my own... and I could send it away of my free will. It was ... part of me. And right now... I didn't need it. I realized I was NOT actually back in that time of my recapture on Lok. I realized that Maxell was NOT really torturing me. Any harm I incurred I did to myself. I... remembered... Then I knew why he did not thrust himself into me as I expected he shoudl have. This was my ordeal... not cruelty. And I realized that every time he left the room, he was out to be sick... to wipe the blood flowing from his nose at the psyonic exertion, to vomit with the revultion of hwat he did to drive me to the feral.
AICO KNEW NOTHING! He knew nothing of maxell's love for me.
*trust*
*love*
*tai'shan*
In that tear full of anguish, I felt Maxell's need... Need. He actually needed me. Despite the fact that I seemed to have turned his life upside down, The feral gives me strength and courage when all esle fails. But it is part of me... and My Will can control it. It cannot and must not control my actions. I... could have ... hurt... or even killed Max. I can call up the feral... but like the pains of my past... I must also let it go. It is part of me, like my feelings, my experiences, my body... the tai'shan bonds...
*acceptance*
And with that came a great relief. Part of me... not demons trying to possessme... thus in accord with my will. And as for the horrors that I have endured in my life...
I am NOT an animal.
I endured them... I lived... I lived thriugh these horrors...
*calm..........serenity*
I will one day be able to help others do the same.
Strength of Spirit!
*TRUST*
Maxell had to step from the room again. In my calm, I heard him vomiting. It pained me. If I were truly lost... he would be obliged to end my life. When he returned he held a pistol in his hand. I froze. Did he not see the difference? Did he not feel that I quelled the feral? MAX! *NOOOOoooooooo!!* I closed my eyes. So be it. *acceptance* I had wanted to kill him... and if I was free... would have. If I die here now... so be it. Let the peace of that death bring us all peace.
He aimed. He fired four shots.
He cut my shirt from me! I was too disoriented to react. Then cut my skirt from me! And tore the rest of my underthings off! I tried to struggle, but the drug interfered with my coordiantion. Roughly and tightly he bound me wrists and ankles in a four-point restraint. The familiarity hit as the scent of kimogilas and Lok filled my nostrils. LOK. Oh gods. Tied down. Naked. My breath came short. I tried to reorient myself. This had to be a nightmare inderthe drug!!
Max was the only person in the room. And he... was... so... not like himself at all. It HAD to be a nightmare... not reality!!! The emmories of my recapture clawing their way back from the depths I had buried them in. NOOOOO!!!!!
I spiraled. Lost in the memory...
~~~
Maloraan nodded to the bounty hunters. Scar’let was grabbed roughly. They strapped her to a hide tanning frame Face down on the ground in a four-point restraint. Maloraan took a kimogila whip from one of the campers and layed into Scar’let a few stokes to keep her from focusing her willpower. He would see her broken this time, more so than when he dealt with her twin daughters. The whip stung and gouged her across her bare flesh as the camp men lined up to each have a turn. One by one, they thrust themselves into her till each sated his deprived sexual needs. If she struggled, the whip tore into her. If she cried out, the man on her stuck her, perhaps breaking something. It didn’t matter. After 20 men, she lost count… and the line of men was still long. Her blood flowed freely. She could no longer summon the will to struggle, nor cry. In her spirit she pleaded to the gods… and the day wore on to night. They left her strapped to the frame overnight, blood and semen streaking her broken body.
~~~
I spiraled.
MAX?! Why!!!??? I tried to forget the memories. But Max pushed them to the surface. Called them up. His words were their words! Harsh. Cruel. I was shaking... I could hardly breathe. He grabbed me by the hair roughly and called me an animal . *betrayal?* I couldn't breathe. My mind spun. Like a caged animal... an... animal.... He pressed ... his naked flesh against me. He just kept talking, calling up more and more memories. I was on the edge of panick the feral waiting for me to lose control. Yet another demon.... Was Aico right? *shock* Was he? Was Max... using me? I struggled for leverage to get a better breath... to scream out at him. He... shoved me hard to the ground... And... mounted me from behind... like an animal. like he the dominant and i... not, chained to the floor. I could feel him tense, hard, pressed against me. *panic* Then he would walk away... to the next room. Alone. I was alone with my panic. What was he going to do? I went hot and then broke into a cold sweat. He returned to torment me more. To mount me again. I was so frozen. My body, my mind, my spirit. How could he do this to me!?! I... I tried to reach along our bond... but... fear... his brutal touch... his body against mine, threatening to thrust himself into me... I dared not touch that bond! I dared not reach to this... not Max... not like this! I reached instead for another. Summoned the Feral and called to the Feral... called to Deomo. But... I ran into a wall! Tai'shan Force wall. I raged against it. NOOO!!!!!!! NO!!!! **my mind SCREAMED!!**
I recoiled. I pulled inward. I could not fight physically. I turned inward, shutting the world out. Shutting everything out and everyone. Watched with pleasure as our taishan bond frayed. Then I let the Feral do as it willed. What did it matter. *betrayed* I was cold... so cold. My focus narrowed. I wanted to die. *Tai'shan?* *betrayal* Memories, nightmares plagued my thoughts with the reality of the experience of now. Memories of Man after man thrusting thems in me.The smell and taste of blood. I could smell blood now. Everything norrowed till it went black. Gone. Lost. Swallowed by the darkness. I felt so... so... alone. *animal*
*trust*
HA! GRRrrrrrr!
Something snapped. Animal, eh?! Treat me like an animal, willyou? You want to see an amimal?! FINE! *snarl* Animal. I summoned it. I opened to it. I was... Feral. I gave myself to it... its strength, my strength. I fought. I fough with all my strength against my bonds. I writhed and twisted. Trying to free my hands. Twisted till my writsts bled, making the ropes about them slipper with my blood. But they were still too tight and I could not get free. I raged! He mounted me again, and pushed the limits of that rage. I fought to kick him off. I wanted Maxell dead. I wanted to kill him myself... for what he was doing to me. Why doesn't he just get it over with? Why doesn't he just thrust himself into me!? He comes to the edge of doing so. hen walks away for me to rage some more! GET IT OVER WITH!!! *GROWL* Blood... Mine... His. I could smell it. I wanted to rend maxell with every fiber of my being. I prepared to roll ball of burning fire along that fraying bond we shared. I opened up to that bond and prepared to unleash a projection of the emotions, feelings, sensation, memories... everything I knew... at him along that bond.
*trust... ta'shan please...*
He looked into the eyes of a wild animal intent on killing him.
*trust... ta'shan please... come back... feel this bond... please.... I still love you... no harm has come to you... my love... please... realize the truth... come back... please...*
A single tear fell from maxell's cheek to hit my shoulder as his pleading words reached desperately almg that bond... and shocked me. His pain, his love, his anguish... I felt it right through my feral rage. I... felt it... and it tore my heart apart with the feeling of such loss. His fear that I will be lost to the Feral forever... that he has lost his tai'shan... It was then I realized... I summoned the feral on my own... and I could send it away of my free will. It was ... part of me. And right now... I didn't need it. I realized I was NOT actually back in that time of my recapture on Lok. I realized that Maxell was NOT really torturing me. Any harm I incurred I did to myself. I... remembered... Then I knew why he did not thrust himself into me as I expected he shoudl have. This was my ordeal... not cruelty. And I realized that every time he left the room, he was out to be sick... to wipe the blood flowing from his nose at the psyonic exertion, to vomit with the revultion of hwat he did to drive me to the feral.
AICO KNEW NOTHING! He knew nothing of maxell's love for me.
*trust*
*love*
*tai'shan*
In that tear full of anguish, I felt Maxell's need... Need. He actually needed me. Despite the fact that I seemed to have turned his life upside down, The feral gives me strength and courage when all esle fails. But it is part of me... and My Will can control it. It cannot and must not control my actions. I... could have ... hurt... or even killed Max. I can call up the feral... but like the pains of my past... I must also let it go. It is part of me, like my feelings, my experiences, my body... the tai'shan bonds...
*acceptance*
And with that came a great relief. Part of me... not demons trying to possessme... thus in accord with my will. And as for the horrors that I have endured in my life...
I am NOT an animal.
I endured them... I lived... I lived thriugh these horrors...
*calm..........serenity*
I will one day be able to help others do the same.
Strength of Spirit!
*TRUST*
Maxell had to step from the room again. In my calm, I heard him vomiting. It pained me. If I were truly lost... he would be obliged to end my life. When he returned he held a pistol in his hand. I froze. Did he not see the difference? Did he not feel that I quelled the feral? MAX! *NOOOOoooooooo!!* I closed my eyes. So be it. *acceptance* I had wanted to kill him... and if I was free... would have. If I die here now... so be it. Let the peace of that death bring us all peace.
He aimed. He fired four shots.
posted by scarletcougar at 11:56 PM
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