Decompression, Dec. 29, xxx4
We all met at the Temple again to review what we did and what we learned. This... did not go so well. None of were sure if we succeeded in our trials. I wasn't sure. Brem thoguht his was a disasterous failuer. Deomo felt he wasn't even challenged.
Kimbrya was helping us discuss... and Max and I sorted out that I had learned from my ordeal. I had. And I think I am stronger for it. I just need time for it all to sink in now.
Maxell and Deomo were like oil and fire in and artillery bunker full of grenades... Eventually I had to just go talk with Deomo in private and let Maxell talk with Brem instead.
I missed that whole discussion. But I feel it went very well. Brem and Maxell seemed to rally come to some sort of understanding. I could feel from both of them growing respect and trust.
Deomo... has such a hard time communicating and setting aside his anger with people. Yet... he is so very different with me. When I asked him what he felt was a more suitable physical/mental challenge... he said I was. I am his most difficult challange. He wants me so very badly, but has to exert physical control over his desire for me... exert mental control to not cross any lines or bring harm to other near me. I was rocked by his words. They made me want to be all the more close to him. But... he chose not to interfere with the bond between Maxell and I... despite the fact that he has a similar bond with me.
Something dawned on me... about this tai'shan bonding i share with Maxell and with Deomo. Maxell knows things of me past all my walls and barriers... he can see to the depth of me. Sometimes it is too intense. Deomo and I do not have that. There is comfort in that... that some things are my own and unshared... no commitment. Yet I do love the commitment between me and Max, don't get me wrong. Just sometimes I need that space.
The next ordeals weigh heavy on my mind. I am supposed to help with them and a key person... like Maxell was for me....
Maxell and I need to talk more though... about us... and that ordeal I already experienced... and our bond... we ... need us time.
But the rites need to proceed.
Kimbrya was helping us discuss... and Max and I sorted out that I had learned from my ordeal. I had. And I think I am stronger for it. I just need time for it all to sink in now.
Maxell and Deomo were like oil and fire in and artillery bunker full of grenades... Eventually I had to just go talk with Deomo in private and let Maxell talk with Brem instead.
I missed that whole discussion. But I feel it went very well. Brem and Maxell seemed to rally come to some sort of understanding. I could feel from both of them growing respect and trust.
Deomo... has such a hard time communicating and setting aside his anger with people. Yet... he is so very different with me. When I asked him what he felt was a more suitable physical/mental challenge... he said I was. I am his most difficult challange. He wants me so very badly, but has to exert physical control over his desire for me... exert mental control to not cross any lines or bring harm to other near me. I was rocked by his words. They made me want to be all the more close to him. But... he chose not to interfere with the bond between Maxell and I... despite the fact that he has a similar bond with me.
Something dawned on me... about this tai'shan bonding i share with Maxell and with Deomo. Maxell knows things of me past all my walls and barriers... he can see to the depth of me. Sometimes it is too intense. Deomo and I do not have that. There is comfort in that... that some things are my own and unshared... no commitment. Yet I do love the commitment between me and Max, don't get me wrong. Just sometimes I need that space.
The next ordeals weigh heavy on my mind. I am supposed to help with them and a key person... like Maxell was for me....
Maxell and I need to talk more though... about us... and that ordeal I already experienced... and our bond... we ... need us time.
But the rites need to proceed.
posted by scarletcougar at 7:40 PM
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