Bordesc Confusion

Ok... I am beginning to think I might just be socially inept! My game of tag to find my camp just to make hunting a bit more fun and less serious was misinterpreted for ... something... else. Bordesc lied to me. He didn't come out because he thought is was beginning to "have feelings" for him. So he lied about his friends in need of his help to avoid seeing me. Holy CRAP! I never have "feelings" for anyone except Blimey. And even those are pretty much platonic! No one touches me! I can't bear it!

I... I tried explaining this and the painful memories muddled my attempts. I thought he KNEW a bit of what I went through and that i would NEVER get that close to anyone for ... maybe forever. I eventually just turned of my comm. I could explain. and he was unable to clarify his part in this confusion. We fuddled with what love and friendship mean and my issue with my daughters came up. I choked. Thus silent comm.

When I calmed a bit, I sent him an eamil that described everything. It pained me so much to write it. I wasn't sure I was close enough to share that with him. But i did not want to lose his friendship over a misunderstanding. What a mess. I think I just sat in the grass for 30min crying. Alone. Perhaps it is better this way.

When I got a grip, I went to Kor Vella to kill things. I was stopped twice by Imperials and searched for contraband. There were no Afarathu at their cave. What a waste of time. NOTHING! grrrrr.....

I am usually SO PLAIN AND UPFRONT! I speak and say what i mean and mean what I say. I hide nothing. And share my past with few I feel close to. But it is not like I am keeping secrets or trying to manipulate a situation! I am open and plain about my intentions so no one WOULD misinterpret them. How could I have been misinterpreted!?! I don't get it! Whay am I so upset by all this!?! Great... now I have a headache.

I flew to the Rebel Base POI for the last badge on Corellia. It is a very active base, but I was FAR from sociable anymore. There are heroes from the last battles with the Imperials there. I left.

I came to Naboo after.I tried to ask Jakob why humans mix things up. Him being the only other human i kinda know. He told me it is not unique to humans. GREAT! I will just avoid everyone then! My past experiences or something of who I am makes me soooo different from what people are used to. Are they used to people manipulating and canniving? I seem to be different, rare, interesting... an anomoly to people. Do people lask so much honour and honesty? My being different seems to make people unsure, uncomfortable, and thus misunderstand my plainness. Why am I so different?!? Why is it wrong?! GAK!!!!!