Emotional Turbulance: Max-Meela-Deomo-Fire'fly
Well then day yesterday went progressively downhill.... Max asked me what I had said to Deomo to make him so angry. *???*
When I reached for Deomo... he was... drunk... drunk and angry. *anxiety... frustration... annoyance* I could not reach him. He would not listen. I tried on the comm but he turned it off. *!!!* Max came over to me and led me by the hand to the middle of the ritual room. "I have an idea." *trust* He asked me to meditate... to focus and calm myself. While I shidted into an uneasy meditation and slowly let the peace of the oneness fill me, he commed someone with a quick message. I was too busy trying to shut things out to bother really listening to who he commed or why. Then he knelt behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. His strength flowed along the bond to support me and fill me with his love and warmth. Maxell reached for Meela. She shied from him. *she knows who daddy really is now* He was patient and encouraged her that he meant no harm and energetically held out his hand. And at the same time stepped carefully aside and helped guide her along the bonds to reach her daddy. She was uncertain about this newness... but when she connected with Deomo... there were sparkes of excitement from her! *thank you Max* But Deomo was way drunk and scared her. She did not understand this strange energy of her fathers. Max step in to protect her in case Deomo was one of those "angry drunk" types. But thankfully he is not. Deomo reached back to Meela... though still to drunk to be very coherent. Max stepped aside. But Meela still retreated to my embrace. I was not very angry with Deomo. Confused and angry. And poor Meela did not understand any of this. Hickups made her especially confused. Deomo hummed for her between hickups and soothed her. But was still too drunk and upset with me to talk to me... soon he was just too drunk.
Part of me was absolutely thrilled that Meela and Deomo could now reach each other via the bond at a distance! And part of me wanted so badly to slap Deomo for being drunk in front of his daughter! Max then stood and told me that Fire'fly was bringing Deomo here. And, that he was going to leave because he did not want to aggravate the situation. I did not have to wait long. Fire'fly arrived with a very very drunk Deomo. He teetered and leaned on the pillars then fell to the floor in giggles. *!!!* He crawled about the floor of the ritual room sneaking up and saying BOO to the perimeter crystals. "BOO! Hahahaha... I scared Yellow Crystals!!" This was embarrassing. *HUMILIATED* Fire'fly must be equally humiliated seeing her superior office like this... and having to drag him home too. *I am sooooo sorry Fire'fly* Her and I talked a few moment trying to figure out what on earth to do about him when he crawled up to her and yelled BOO to her feet. THAT'S IT!! We hauled him up to relative standing, dragged him back to the fountain and dumped him in. Before he drowned, She climbed in and hauled him to his feet. We dunked him twice more to sober him. He was cranky with her after, but i don't think she cared at this point. He somped to the brazier and stipped right there before up tossing his wet things over the edge to dry. Fire'fly turned her back. I thank her profusely for her help and she left.
What ensued after was a very heated argument about alcohol and Meela and the misunderstanding of earlier. My words were not being understood. I don't think i was understanding him either. I was so stressed and angry. I shot along the bond harsh words to Max that if this was what marriage was like then I wanted NO PART OF IT! *shock* *hurt* Even before he could react, I regretted those words. And tried to take them back.
Deomo thought I assumed he did not understand how I felt about the temple. Felt that I did not trust him to not fight in it if the enemy walked in. Felt I did not welcome him there. *!!???!!*
Gods... what is WRONG with me!!! I was emotional. I was upset. I was saying things without thinking. This is SO not like me! Gods! And all i am doing is hurting the feeling of the people I care most about!
I choked out an apology to Deomo and left him to dry out by the brazier. I went to curl in a ball of my own misery in the blue room. Try to sort out my stupidities. He came in and touched my shoulder. I tensed. I tensed because I was about to burst into tears and didn't want to. He withdrew his hand and walked out again. *fine... I am unwelcome again* Nooooooo....... *TEARS* I cried. I... felt so alone... Max was upset with me *my fault* and Deomo was upset with me *my fault* My tears were bitter in my arms. I choked whispers of apolgies to the walls. Begged the walls to explain to me why WHY are Deomo and I not understanding each other like we used to??!!! *anguish and pain in my heart... loneliness* "Because our bond is changing... diminishing," Deomo said it so softly. He had come in so silently i did not hear him while I was crying. He sat at a distance and just watched me. I turned, startled by his words. He looked at me so seriously. I could see sadness in his eyes. He was not completely sober... but definately not drunk either. He too apologized quietly. We just misunderstood each other.
Ebe had arrived at the temple. I sent her a quick message that i needed some privacy in the blue room. That she was welcome in the temple, but to just not come into the blue room. She misunderstood something and barked out hasty apologies for intruding and bolted from the temple running right into Maxell. He went after her to find out what happened.
Deomo and I went on to talk. I t then hit me... oh gods... I CAN'T carry meela to term. he had mentioned the doc said something of it... but it didn't really register then. He tried to sooth me with his words. But he really focus on trying to soothe Meela who was scared and confused by this argument and this chaos of emotions. He was drained and exhausted. He needed to sleep off the alcohol. I sat with him till he was asleep.
Then I made my way downstairs. I stood... alone... in the ritual room. I had managed somehow to upset Ebe, too today. *troubled* I am glad max went after her. I know they still love each other. I have seen it in their eyes before. He will know how to talk to her... especially wth his empathy. Meantime... I meditated in the ritual room again... trying to let its peace sink into me again as it did in the morning. *alone*
When I reached for Deomo... he was... drunk... drunk and angry. *anxiety... frustration... annoyance* I could not reach him. He would not listen. I tried on the comm but he turned it off. *!!!* Max came over to me and led me by the hand to the middle of the ritual room. "I have an idea." *trust* He asked me to meditate... to focus and calm myself. While I shidted into an uneasy meditation and slowly let the peace of the oneness fill me, he commed someone with a quick message. I was too busy trying to shut things out to bother really listening to who he commed or why. Then he knelt behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. His strength flowed along the bond to support me and fill me with his love and warmth. Maxell reached for Meela. She shied from him. *she knows who daddy really is now* He was patient and encouraged her that he meant no harm and energetically held out his hand. And at the same time stepped carefully aside and helped guide her along the bonds to reach her daddy. She was uncertain about this newness... but when she connected with Deomo... there were sparkes of excitement from her! *thank you Max* But Deomo was way drunk and scared her. She did not understand this strange energy of her fathers. Max step in to protect her in case Deomo was one of those "angry drunk" types. But thankfully he is not. Deomo reached back to Meela... though still to drunk to be very coherent. Max stepped aside. But Meela still retreated to my embrace. I was not very angry with Deomo. Confused and angry. And poor Meela did not understand any of this. Hickups made her especially confused. Deomo hummed for her between hickups and soothed her. But was still too drunk and upset with me to talk to me... soon he was just too drunk.
Part of me was absolutely thrilled that Meela and Deomo could now reach each other via the bond at a distance! And part of me wanted so badly to slap Deomo for being drunk in front of his daughter! Max then stood and told me that Fire'fly was bringing Deomo here. And, that he was going to leave because he did not want to aggravate the situation. I did not have to wait long. Fire'fly arrived with a very very drunk Deomo. He teetered and leaned on the pillars then fell to the floor in giggles. *!!!* He crawled about the floor of the ritual room sneaking up and saying BOO to the perimeter crystals. "BOO! Hahahaha... I scared Yellow Crystals!!" This was embarrassing. *HUMILIATED* Fire'fly must be equally humiliated seeing her superior office like this... and having to drag him home too. *I am sooooo sorry Fire'fly* Her and I talked a few moment trying to figure out what on earth to do about him when he crawled up to her and yelled BOO to her feet. THAT'S IT!! We hauled him up to relative standing, dragged him back to the fountain and dumped him in. Before he drowned, She climbed in and hauled him to his feet. We dunked him twice more to sober him. He was cranky with her after, but i don't think she cared at this point. He somped to the brazier and stipped right there before up tossing his wet things over the edge to dry. Fire'fly turned her back. I thank her profusely for her help and she left.
What ensued after was a very heated argument about alcohol and Meela and the misunderstanding of earlier. My words were not being understood. I don't think i was understanding him either. I was so stressed and angry. I shot along the bond harsh words to Max that if this was what marriage was like then I wanted NO PART OF IT! *shock* *hurt* Even before he could react, I regretted those words. And tried to take them back.
Deomo thought I assumed he did not understand how I felt about the temple. Felt that I did not trust him to not fight in it if the enemy walked in. Felt I did not welcome him there. *!!???!!*
Gods... what is WRONG with me!!! I was emotional. I was upset. I was saying things without thinking. This is SO not like me! Gods! And all i am doing is hurting the feeling of the people I care most about!
I choked out an apology to Deomo and left him to dry out by the brazier. I went to curl in a ball of my own misery in the blue room. Try to sort out my stupidities. He came in and touched my shoulder. I tensed. I tensed because I was about to burst into tears and didn't want to. He withdrew his hand and walked out again. *fine... I am unwelcome again* Nooooooo....... *TEARS* I cried. I... felt so alone... Max was upset with me *my fault* and Deomo was upset with me *my fault* My tears were bitter in my arms. I choked whispers of apolgies to the walls. Begged the walls to explain to me why WHY are Deomo and I not understanding each other like we used to??!!! *anguish and pain in my heart... loneliness* "Because our bond is changing... diminishing," Deomo said it so softly. He had come in so silently i did not hear him while I was crying. He sat at a distance and just watched me. I turned, startled by his words. He looked at me so seriously. I could see sadness in his eyes. He was not completely sober... but definately not drunk either. He too apologized quietly. We just misunderstood each other.
Ebe had arrived at the temple. I sent her a quick message that i needed some privacy in the blue room. That she was welcome in the temple, but to just not come into the blue room. She misunderstood something and barked out hasty apologies for intruding and bolted from the temple running right into Maxell. He went after her to find out what happened.
Deomo and I went on to talk. I t then hit me... oh gods... I CAN'T carry meela to term. he had mentioned the doc said something of it... but it didn't really register then. He tried to sooth me with his words. But he really focus on trying to soothe Meela who was scared and confused by this argument and this chaos of emotions. He was drained and exhausted. He needed to sleep off the alcohol. I sat with him till he was asleep.
Then I made my way downstairs. I stood... alone... in the ritual room. I had managed somehow to upset Ebe, too today. *troubled* I am glad max went after her. I know they still love each other. I have seen it in their eyes before. He will know how to talk to her... especially wth his empathy. Meantime... I meditated in the ritual room again... trying to let its peace sink into me again as it did in the morning. *alone*
posted by scarletcougar at 5:49 AM
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