Remembering the Pendant

After a few minutes... long minutes, I was able to move again. Took stock of myself and the disorientation passed. I set up a field base. And we sat for some quiet tea. We are both stressed about this evening's coming ordeal with Deomo.

Maxell asked me about the pendant Deomo wears. Asked me what I saw when I touched it the other day.

*idea!!*

I was going to just try to explian the chaos of images I saw... but then... I had an idea... I am already bonded with Max! I could test the new technique I learned and see if I can draw him in to see what I saw from my memory. And now that things are a bit calmer... maybe... Damn... this is stressful. I am glad to get the opportunity to try this with Maxell first. Just to know if it will work at all. I asked him. He agreed. Thank gods.

*acceptance*

Maybe this will help him to see why I do what I do for Deomo.

*trust*

Maxell sat before me. Comfortably... quietly... watching me. Oh, I can so get lost in his deep blue eyes. *focus... he is my tai'shan and we are bonded... and if I bond to Deomo... it will not negate this bond (i hope)... and i will not die trying this technique with Max* I knelt in my meditation pose, my knees touching Max's, and closed my eyes. I allowed my mind to drift a bit and calm. The breeze rustled the grass and leaves. I took Max's hands in mine. Strong, warm, gentle... *breathe*
*center* I focused myself on the core of me...
*ground* I anchored myself and balanced my spirit...
*breathe* I can do this... I must...
*a calm settled in me... like I have known in peaceful times meditating in the temple*
*the whispering in my head quieted*
I could hear Maxell's breathing and his heart beat ... slow and steady.
Awareness of the field base faded... as did the awareness of the forest...
Maxell seemed to glow in my mind's eye. A soft warm glow... full of concern and love.
*trust*
I reached for Maxell and drew him along our bond.
*slowly shift to light trance state*
*breathe*
*slowly shift to a deeper trance state*
Maxell was in the same calm as I was...made for an easy transition. I hope it will be like this for Deomo... but I doubt it.
*trust*
I pulled Maxell deeper... with me... and focused on the memory.
I pictured Deom... clear in my mind... standing before me in the ritual space of the temple.
Maxell would see what I see. When I do this with Deomo, I will pull him in so he sees what he saw through the eyes of the child he was then. I reached for the pendant and touched it lightly.
~~~
FLASH!
A small home, simply furnished.
A dark Zabrak man placing the pendant on a boys neck, concern and love in the man's eyes.
FLASH!
"Never take this off. Remember. Trust."
FLASH!
The a tall cloaked figure stepped out of the shadows.
FLASH!
Silver blades and blue electricity flashed.
FLASH!
Mixed with the sights and sounds of blood, flesh and bone.
FLASH!
The boy stood in shock, covered in his father flesh and blood. The scene a horror before his eyes.
FLASH!
The stranger stepped toward the boy.
A whisper from deep within me said Shadow Ancestor.
~~~

Then slowly the scene faded and the forest and fieldbase came back into my awareness. I was a bit shaken. The horrific scene made me tremble. Max had a pensive look. He has now seen what I saw. He steadied me through our bond. Lent me strength. When I do this with Deomo... it will sap me... I know. I explained to Max that Deomo has lived his life believing that he is some wild uncontrolable animal for having killed his own father, a father who loved him, and now serves the Empire as the dog of war... believing he is nothing better than that... no matter what is deep inside him. And yet... he not have acually killed him at all. And I had touched what is deep inside him and he desperately wants to be... BE ... a whole person. I think Max understood, now, the importance of all this. I think. There was deep concern and understanding in his eyes. And sadness. He knew I had to forge this bond for Deomo. Deomo needs to know the truth... the truth of whether he actually did kill his father or that something else did. *sacrifice* I know this will tear me between them forever. But it is the only way I can do it. Max understood that too. And reassured me that he will be with me to strengthen me and balance me... to be my anchor. I will need it.

The only concern now was how to manage all this. After some thought and talk, he decided that Cauil would stay in the office while I lead Deomo through this. Deomo had said Cauil is the only one he could trust if it really came down to him losing it and needing to be taken out for my safety. Maxell... he did not want around at all. So Maxell will be down the road in my litle house, close enough to rush back but far enough to give Deomo space. Maxell will keep track of the trancework through our tai'shan bond and comm with Cauil for anything of use... like if Cauil needs to rush out to save my skin.

Deomo assures me he will not lose it... and that if he does, I will never be the target. I could only think of how I wanted to kill Max in my ordeal... I pray Deomo is right. Because Deomo will not be tied down as I was.