Lost........

I was gurring it. The wilderness and I working together. The nightmares... pushing me close to...
How close is too close? I reach for that strange stableness. His scent all about me, embedded in this duster I wear of his. Something feral in me want to fiercely protect him. But he can protect himself... better than i could protect anyone.

I sit in the camp trying to sort nightmare from reality, trying to rebuild walls...

I hunt and focus.

Deomo.

ARG!!! He cut into the peace I was trying to establish. Dark velvet were his words.... feral... calling.... They stirred something deep in me... I was losing what little self-control I had. Things were a blur as his words chased me for hours. We sensed each other in Moenia's starport. I ran. I ran ... and managed to get a shuttle inside the starpot to get my ship and fly it to Karen. Why was I here? It was ... I was... The crowds... AK! I can't shut them out!!! I ran for the silence of the woods again. Fly my bike over the water to a dark crevace deep on the side of a hill. There I sat... shivering. Maloraan. Deomo. Hunting. Blood. Touched. Violated. Anya. Kitahn. NOOOOooooOOOO!!!!

*feral prowling... called... called by the unknown*

I made my way back to Karen. Hyper-aware. Someone coming. I bolted. It was... someone else. Velvet words slipped through my mind.

Gurrcat. Wild Gurrcat. I stopped. We eyed each other with understanding. The wolds speak to me. Another gurrcat. I ... wanted to touch them. This other one was so close. He was there too. A manthing. He crouched in the distance, I watched warily. He voice familiar.... his energy... I could feel him inside me... it scared me. it scared me more that I wanted that. I wanted him... in some feral way. NOO!!! No touching! NO! He will do as they did!!! NOOOOO!!!! And the velvet voice sounded from my comm. I ran. I tried to run from them all.

Ug! Pain! More pain! Wild blackness overwhelmed me.

I stirred awake, wounded, disoriented... he was there again. Such focus in him. He is so grounded. I almost wanted to reach out and touch him to see if he was real. I ... what was around me? Where was I? What happened? This was not the woods....

Blood. His blood. *Alert* Hunt. No....... too exhausted..... Let this one go.... And he did.
Something stirred me to move. I trekked across the lands to a city by a lake... to a house... and sat in its basement scenting the air... trying to remember... I had to do something important. I took a shuttle to Moenia.

I am losing my mind.

Who...... what...... am I?

He found me again. As did the gurrcat. I have no fight left in me. I sat.... with the cat. He spoke. The words familiar. I... remember.... names, faces. I am Scar'let, Zabrak. I am not worthy of the title of priestess. Brem was there. I needed to heal. I left to loped over to a spot and make a camp. I sat there tasting the energy inside me, curious and yet so afraid. He meditated. There was such peace in him, such balance. Part of me clung to this.

Brem talked with me as things came back into my memory. Everything except most of today's events. Deomo's velvet voice... that I remember. Dog. I so hate him. He is sooo like Maloraan, my ex-master. I had blocked his name from my mind. I had only called him Master. Now it resurfaces... with so many other things. Deomo. I hate him. The dog has been hunting me all day like I was some bitch in heat. He has given into that feralness of Zabrak. I will not become slave to it and allow myself to be a mindless killer.

I took vows... and they hold me still.

Be true to your word.
Be true to your path. (once I fugure out what that is)
Be true to myself. (oy......... what does this mean in my case?)

Oh so many bonds broken. I can hardly feel Brem. And I cannot feel Kimbrya at all now. But there is a new sensation there... so like Blimey's... except Blimey was never this close. How close is too close? Will I ever be able to get close to someone again? I got close to Brem... It took so very long. I want to be held, Wrapped in someone's arms. I... I am Zabrak and shouldn't let such weaknesses invade me. I need to be strong... for the others. But HE knows... He knows I am not.