Putting to use those words of wisdom... or so I hope
I woke before Max and smiled at his peacefullness in my arms... his head on my breast. I purred softly. Then as gracefully as any cat, extricated myself. I kissed his brow and ran my fingers through his hair. It is fascinating. Humans have so much hair. I love the feel of his through my fingers... and could spend hours doing just that. His hair has darkened from the deep auburn brown I remember it. It is not almost a charcoal brown with streaks of grey. The ministrations of Cauil has changed him. Electric shock can do that. I must remember to ask him to see a good medic. I also know such torture can do other things to your system.... and I feel Max would like to have another child I think. I... too ... I think I would be open for that. I like the grey. He looks handsome still. I ran my fingers one more time through his hair and purred for him to ensure he still slept.
I then scrawled a small note that I was going to the temple to try to decorate. I am "on a mission".... I want it FINISHED! I will go look for a pool and try to unpack some more of the boxes in the temple.
I stopped in Eden on Dantooine where I like the merchant there. But she did not have a fountain or pool. She did have an awesome Tatooine banner. This is new! I bought it on impulse. I didn't even realize the cost till the creds left my account. *choke* 50k creds. Ooops. Kark. oh well. I went to the temple and struggled to put it up. I placed it in ten or more spots without anyy saticfaction. Fine. I packed it away again.
Then I felt Deomo. He was on Dantooine. He whispered through our bond... he was lonely, he missed me... he was confused and... wow... if felt so much like what Max's energy felt like the day before... I wonder if it traveled from Max through me to Deomo? Actually... I am quite sure this is all Deomo. I was uncertain about meeting with him as he was with a new recruit. He said it was safe... but I was not sure if the recruit would be able to hold their tongue under Cauil's demands. Then I felt the impact and new Deomo had been taken down. The pulse of the pendant kept him alive... pulsing with his heart. I could feel it. He was brought to the Imperial Base cloning facility. Now for sure I would not meet him. His thought began to swim in a stormy sea of depression and self doubt. I told him to find a safer place. That I would come to him.
I could not leave him in this dark lost void. He cannot function like this. He was already making mistakes that risked his own life and will soon risk the lives of the recruits under him. I needed to rebalance him... to pick him up where he has metaphorically fallen and give him the strength and conviction to carry on. Those words of wisdom sharp in my mind. I have to do this. NEED calls. I must answer.
I arrived in Theed and went to the cantina where I met him in the back rooms. His energy... was a mess! My heart ached for him. We sat and talked. He doubts everything he does. Doubts his command, is ashamed of the dishonour he is discovering around him in the Imperial command officers. He feels... helpless. The shock of all that has happened. His eyes having been opened to the crimes and cruelty of the Empire. He even doubted this choice. And so began to doubt his ability to protect the men and women under him, even his ability to protect me. His emotions were like sand in my fingers, I could hardly grasp them to hold them together coherently. So I opened myself up to the calling within me and allowed myself to channel what I needed, what he needed. Inner strength, personal courage, confidence, pride. I held him and spoke words of encouragement. I soothed his spirit and remined him that I was there to anchor him. The pendant still pulsed. I want to know what role it plays in his life. It seems as bound to him, more so even, than I am. I suggested he take a vacation. Take a break from all this. He said he hasn't had one, not even sick days for 8 years. Well then... it is LONG overdue. He asked if I would go along. I will see. I have Maxell too. And Maxell also has meeds that need attending to. But perhaps... for a few days.
Then Davcre entered the cantina. He is SSS. Deomo froze. For a long time was sat silent. This was too risky. If we meet again... I will choose the location. Davcre left. *relief*
As I said my farewell to Deomo, sensing him feeling more stable than before, I was aware of Max's closeness. he was in the cantina. Kark. I was not sure how he would react to Deomo. Max walked right into the back room, paused, nodded, and walked out. *He needs you tai'shan. I understand* But I could feel the feral undercurrent and the restraint. *we are parting anyways, my love*
I hope my words of wisdom help Deomo. I hope I can be an anchor for him, a becon of light. I hope I can be that for them both. By heart is big enough, but to I have the physical strength to channel that much?
I then scrawled a small note that I was going to the temple to try to decorate. I am "on a mission".... I want it FINISHED! I will go look for a pool and try to unpack some more of the boxes in the temple.
I stopped in Eden on Dantooine where I like the merchant there. But she did not have a fountain or pool. She did have an awesome Tatooine banner. This is new! I bought it on impulse. I didn't even realize the cost till the creds left my account. *choke* 50k creds. Ooops. Kark. oh well. I went to the temple and struggled to put it up. I placed it in ten or more spots without anyy saticfaction. Fine. I packed it away again.
Then I felt Deomo. He was on Dantooine. He whispered through our bond... he was lonely, he missed me... he was confused and... wow... if felt so much like what Max's energy felt like the day before... I wonder if it traveled from Max through me to Deomo? Actually... I am quite sure this is all Deomo. I was uncertain about meeting with him as he was with a new recruit. He said it was safe... but I was not sure if the recruit would be able to hold their tongue under Cauil's demands. Then I felt the impact and new Deomo had been taken down. The pulse of the pendant kept him alive... pulsing with his heart. I could feel it. He was brought to the Imperial Base cloning facility. Now for sure I would not meet him. His thought began to swim in a stormy sea of depression and self doubt. I told him to find a safer place. That I would come to him.
I could not leave him in this dark lost void. He cannot function like this. He was already making mistakes that risked his own life and will soon risk the lives of the recruits under him. I needed to rebalance him... to pick him up where he has metaphorically fallen and give him the strength and conviction to carry on. Those words of wisdom sharp in my mind. I have to do this. NEED calls. I must answer.
I arrived in Theed and went to the cantina where I met him in the back rooms. His energy... was a mess! My heart ached for him. We sat and talked. He doubts everything he does. Doubts his command, is ashamed of the dishonour he is discovering around him in the Imperial command officers. He feels... helpless. The shock of all that has happened. His eyes having been opened to the crimes and cruelty of the Empire. He even doubted this choice. And so began to doubt his ability to protect the men and women under him, even his ability to protect me. His emotions were like sand in my fingers, I could hardly grasp them to hold them together coherently. So I opened myself up to the calling within me and allowed myself to channel what I needed, what he needed. Inner strength, personal courage, confidence, pride. I held him and spoke words of encouragement. I soothed his spirit and remined him that I was there to anchor him. The pendant still pulsed. I want to know what role it plays in his life. It seems as bound to him, more so even, than I am. I suggested he take a vacation. Take a break from all this. He said he hasn't had one, not even sick days for 8 years. Well then... it is LONG overdue. He asked if I would go along. I will see. I have Maxell too. And Maxell also has meeds that need attending to. But perhaps... for a few days.
Then Davcre entered the cantina. He is SSS. Deomo froze. For a long time was sat silent. This was too risky. If we meet again... I will choose the location. Davcre left. *relief*
As I said my farewell to Deomo, sensing him feeling more stable than before, I was aware of Max's closeness. he was in the cantina. Kark. I was not sure how he would react to Deomo. Max walked right into the back room, paused, nodded, and walked out. *He needs you tai'shan. I understand* But I could feel the feral undercurrent and the restraint. *we are parting anyways, my love*
I hope my words of wisdom help Deomo. I hope I can be an anchor for him, a becon of light. I hope I can be that for them both. By heart is big enough, but to I have the physical strength to channel that much?
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