Mission Complete... Ordeal Survived

So we walked in silence. And I thought about the words I promised to Cauil. Never to overtly act against the Empire. I will never take direct action... but I will defend myself. He also... just before entering the city of Emperium demanded that when this was done, that I walk away and never... ever... return to this city. That took a moment of thought. Deomo. Fine. I gave my word. Deomo can come out to me. My being in this city to see him will only jeopardize his standing in the SSS and the Empire.

Promises. I am true to my word. So mote it be.

We walked in silence with Ebe following at 300m. He entered the building and released Maxell. Gods, he was so... feral. Is that what I was like? I had to keep myself between Cauil and Maxell to ensure Maxell did not tear Cauil apart with his bare hands and teeth. Cauil even gave back his gun! AK! What!?! Did Cauil have a death wish!!!??? Maybe he did. I asked Cauil to go in the building and lock the door till we were gone.

Maxell raged and clawed at the door. Snarled and fought... mostly with himself. I let him. I let him wear himself out a bit. Then I knelt. I held out my hand. I reached with all my strength, the strength of the Other... the Force flowing through me... reach to Maxell along our bond. But I had been relying on that strength long... all evening. My body was ... I knew I could not hold out much longer. Kneeling, I held out my hand to him, palm up. Somewhere in my memory I remember him doing this to me. An offering of trust. *trust, my love. Maxell... please... trust*

It took some time to calm him enough to be corehent, though he was still unsure of his surroundings. He agreed to follow me. Away from this place. Halfway to the starport, Ebe met up with us. She was so excited to see him. He didn't even seem hurt. I knew better. His woumds here not obvious. He almost snarled at her, then recognized her and was doubly confused. She hugged him and then went back to cover our backtrail.

I commed Avios to let him know we were coming in. He commed the rest of the guys in the camp. When we arrived the backup had pounded in to clear the new influx of stormtroopers and once again secure the perimeter. Maxell was surprised, confused. My team... they did an awesome job. Despite the hiccups and problems. My team was amazing.

My team.

They all bowed or soluted me as the leader. Was I? Did I? I don't even remember when or how I took charge. I prey I was not mean or bossy. They hailed Maxell's safe return and we all parted ways with much thanking.

Cauil stood, still wounded at the shuttle. The feral rose again in Maxell. I reached quickly to quell it. Not today. Not ever. This is a day we walk away peacefully. I didn't want to give Cauil any reason to go back on his word. This evening, Maxell and I went to the temple.

I was quickly going numb and beginning to shake from channelling so much of a Force that is so... Unknown... so Other. I didn't want Maxell to worry. When we arrived. He sat me down and told me how proud he was. How well I seemed to have managed things. He was getting comms from the others about it.

I wish I could say that I was pleased. But... I... feel like I just did what needed to be done. I didn't even bother waiting or stresing. There was no time. Too many lives... depended on me. And then the shakes came again... and I felt woozy. Too much. These past few weeks... have been... damn. What am I being bloody honed for?!?

Maxell stepped into the Fyrshka's shrine for a moment of prayer while I curled up in the bedroom. Slowly the shakes subsided. I... still felt ... odd... different. Shomething in me has ... changed... but... what? I think I will need to go take some time for just me... do some introspection. Maybe hunt with Deomo or Maxell or Brem. Something nonstressful. Before I dare come back to completing the rites....

So... was that my Ordeal? Did I succeed or fail? I complete forgot it was a rite. It was foolish of Max to make it my rite when so much could and did go wrong.