Cut off? Alone...

Well this was not how I expected to spend my time.

I got up feeling pumped... ready to take on the world. I wanted to hunt and explore! I looked around for a note from Max to see where he was at... but... there was none. Checked my datapad for an email. None. *???* Well... I will head out and buff. And be ready just the same.

I arrived in Coronet to buff, then hopped to Theed to go to the mednectre and cantina for heal a bit. I tried to reach Maxell. He... sounded odd. Distant. Unsettled. He insisted I go hunt with Deomo or something. *???*

I commed Deomo. I know I promised to not enter their city. But I thought... that perhaps... but that was not going to be so. Deomo told me that under no circumstances are we to be seen together. He would not risk it. *pain* I understand... but... Damn. And I could feel he was deeply lonely and hurt with this decision. We are together in spirit, even if we must pretend to be strangers on the street. *sacrifice*

I tried Maxell again. He insisted I go with Deomo. When I said I couldn't, then he... suggested I be safe. I wanted him to come with me. But I guess I was going to go alone. What was up with that?! Even his energy felt... odd... inebriated. What the kark? Ok..... *confused* He... I felt it... he... doubted our bond. *choked*

Well, my mood was not doing so well. *troubled* I left the Cantina through the back to head over to the shuttleport thinking of hunting at a known lair. I was going to have to gurr it.... As I passed the back of the Banking building, I noticed Max in a nook talking with a dancer friend of his Honney. I had met Honney some time ago in the Theed cantina. She is sweet and her name came up on Max's "trusted contacts" list. They were talking, kinda intimately. I had stopped... and then... *head down* walked on as if I did not see them. I wasn't jealous. Maxell had as much right as I did to be with other people. And I know she is a good friend. I think... I think I was ... hurt... hurt that he would rather talk out his troubles with someone else. I understand too, that sometimes... you need space and to bounce stuff off other people. But that didn't stop the hurt feeling. I changed direction and took my ship to Yavin instead for hunting. I should have not hunted. My mind troubled by the day's events. I was sloppy.

I was so energized... now... I feel like an intruder.

Well fine. We all need space, maybe, a break from each other. Funny, now that this is all over, now that I have had the opportunity to think about it all and come to terms with it. Now that I WANT to be close to them and not run. Now that I actually want company... *pain* I can't.

I ran along the beach of Yavin IV hunting ... mostly bats... there wasn't much else. I was sloppy with my work. I took some unnecessary risks and hits. Then, there was nothing left to hunt. I just kinda stood there stunned. That's it? It's over? Are we all destined to have nothing in the end? Have I lost them both?

Neither of them want me near them! Why? Why Max? Why?